We’re all familiar with this scenario: feeling the compulsion to avoid encounters which we’re aware would bring pleasure, even when we’re in dire need of a lift in spirits. We bypass the birthday celebration. We put off the lunch date. These events just don’t feel worthy of the effort they necessitate. And, as is often the case, we end up feeling abysmal, worse than we originally felt.
So, how can one muster up the enthusiasm to engage in such events, particularly during periods of low spirits, anxiety, exhaustion or solitude? One studied method is to enhance what is known in psychology as your reward sensitivity.
Our yearning for bliss is a faculty that can be develped, as is our capacity to delve deeply into experiences. Almost everyone has the ability to escalate their own reward sensitivity by conditioning themselves to recognise and relish their positive feelings. This holds valid even for those suffering from depression or anxiety who find difficulty in deriving pleasure, a state medically referred to as anhedonia.
It’s undeniable that we all encounter difficulties in seeking joy at times. Recently, I had taken my little ones out for a seaside vacation. But just before starting off on this excursion, I was informed of a friend’s demise. Stunned by the tragic news, a celebratory mood was far from my reach, despite wanting to create a cheerful ambience for my family.
My role as a therapist involves teaching individuals how to navigate through their emotions. And as it’s something I advocate to my clients, it is indeed feasible to acknowledge valid sources of anguish while also identifying the presence of fleeting moments of happiness that elevate our overall wellness.
The strategies mentioned ahead, which I utilise in my therapeutic practice, assisted me in making the best of our holiday.
In the realm of mental health care, the primary focus of physicians and therapists tends to be mitigating the negative symptoms their patients exhibit – they aim “to eliminate the negatives”, as Alicia Meuret, a professor of psychology at Southern Methodist University, states.
Nevertheless, it’s not just about alleviation of pain for most people, we also need an elevation in pleasure.
Undeniably, heightening positive emotions may be more urgent than managing depressive symptoms for certain patients. Studies have revealed that therapies adopting this concept can indeed be successful. A research study conducted in 2023, which Meuret co-directed, found that adults suffering from depression or anxiety who underwent 15 weeks of psychotherapy aimed at augmenting positive emotions, reported a higher improvement rate than a group with a therapy package centred on diminishing negative emotions.
Brief interventions also proved beneficial. An analysis in 2024 involving 85 students led by Lucas LaFreniere, a psychology assistant professor at Skidmore College, instructed the anxious participants to plan enjoyable activities, cherish positive occurrences, and anticipate optimistic future happenings via regular smartphone reminders. After seven days, a substantial increase in their optimism levels was observed.
To enhance your inclination towards rewards, try a daily task based on these research studies’ treatment programs. Commit to it for a week at least, yet feel free to continue it if it’s beneficial.
Start by arranging a joyful or fulfilling activity each day. This habit will prevent you from delaying gratifying experiences. Be pragmatic – it could simply be indulging in a beloved treat, reading a book, or connecting with a buddy on FaceTime.
Upon relishing your daily dose of positivity, shut your eyes and audibly recap the time and place where you felt the most pleasure in the present tense. Focus on details and physical sensations such as a cool wind as the sunbeam lands on your face. It may sound cheesy, yet don’t ignore the minute aspects, as Meuret recommends. The goal is not merely to recall the emotion, but to intensify and relive it.
This process is known as savouring in psychological terms.
As LaFreniere phrases it, “fostering the radiance of positive emotions” solidifies the memory of them and propels your drive to chase them in the future. Savouring is also an effective method to combat the natural tendency humans have to dwell on and recall the negative sections of an incident: a tardy friend, an uttered regret.
Here are some relatively unnoticed yet potent alterations you can implement to cultivate an affirmative mental state.
Broaden your collection of positive words
A decent number of individuals grapple with expressing their uplifting feelings beyond phrases like “okay”, “brilliant” or “fabulous”. However, studies indicate that uncovering more synonyms for those emotions can ratify and amplify them, points out Meuret. During the reflection on how you felt about something, aim for accuracy, calling upon words such as tranquil, jubilant, ecstatic, pleased, or stimulated.
Share your standout moments
Consider the specifics you often divulge when probed about your day or a recent journey. You might feel inclined to rant. But sharing what brought you the most joy can uplift your spirits, disseminate this joy to another individual – and moreover, deepen your bond, states Charlie Taylor, an adjunct professor of psychiatry at the University of California, San Diego, whose research centres on social reward sensitivity.
Seek out the silver linings
With diligent effort, you may be able to discern the hidden positives in situations that initially seem contrary, Taylor comments. For example, if an invite to your colleagues for a meet-up results in only one attendee, you might view that as a letdown. But the benefit, he suggests, is that you got the chance to understand and connect better with that solitary participant.
Predict successful futures
If glancing at your calendar stimulates fear, Meuret advises, choose an impending event and envisage the most favourable outcome. If exhaustion has you contemplating cancelling a gym date with a pal, imagine a session full of vitality. Visualise mutual smiles across the hall, feeling a sense of accomplishment. Utilising imagery can galvanise motivation and prepare you for more positive encounters, Meuret elaborates.
Allow yourself the pleasure of happiness
Do remember that sometimes feeling uneasy with joyous feelings is a common experience, especially for those who suffer from depression and anxiety.
“Some individuals can feel exposed when they allow themselves to feel content,” LaFreniere mentions. Worrying might leave you with a sense of readiness to tackle dilemmas – but by perpetually bracing yourself for catastrophe, he expresses, we overlook the joy available to us in the present moment.
During a recent weekend getaway with my children, I found it slightly difficult to truly enjoy myself. However, sharing s’mores while watching the shimmering sea was a simple pleasure that brought enduring joy. I routinely paused to appreciate the highlights, such as receiving handfuls of hydrangeas and roses from florists disassembling a wedding arch near the beach. Despite the trip being punctuated by sporadic bouts of melancholy, due to thoughts of a departed friend, I found solace by immersing myself in moments of love and humour which helped me regain equanimity. As LaFreniere suggests, “On occasion, we must feign joy to truly experience happiness.” This piece was originally published in The New York Times.