Envision yourself as a financier of films. Imagine being presented with a succinct pitch that could be summarized as “Bridget Jones meets Jaws!” Dismissing it straight away wouldn’t be your first instinct, would it?
‘Something in the Water’, albeit an apt title, doesn’t completely shatter the premise I’ve constructed here. A brash quintet of women venture to a tropical destination for the wedding festivities of their irksome friend. During a nautical party, they find themselves stranded amongst a gathering of sharks, with one of them seeping blood into the surrounding waters. This scenario seems more plausible, and indeed more entertaining, than Bridget Jones incarcerated in a Thai prison as seen in ‘Edge of Reason’. So, credit where credit is due.
Sadly, the film’s shallow character development and clumsy dialogue mirrors 1960s beach horror films like ‘Cannibal Martians at Wipeout Cove’, the type ushering in patrons to wager about the first beach-goer to be devoured (usually a perplexing debate). Even those low-budget flicks provided more amusement than this. Major portions of this relatively brief movie are consumed by idle chatter between the characters amid blood-stained water, reminiscent of the gossip often heard in queues for the toilet at a local pub. It offers too much dawdling and not enough action, think of it as a misguided ‘Raft of the Medusa’.
The narrative commences on a promising note. Meg (portrayed by Hiftu Quasem) experiences a homophobic assault in London which leaves her emotionally distressed, leading her to question her soon-to-be ex-partner Kayla (played by Natalie Mitson). On her arrival at the exotic resort for Lizzie’s (Lauren Lyle’s) wedding, she’s caught off guard by the presence of a visibly uneasy Kayla.
Quasem and Lyle’s portrayals of two characters attempting to rekindle their relationship starts off commendably—the potential of a far superior storyline—but this soon gets enveloped by overused ladette stereotypes. Much as I appreciate ‘Reach’ by S Club 7, the group-karaoke rendition here feels like a misused opportunity which could’ve been better spent on feeding parts of the ensemble to underwater creatures.
The genre of survival against the odds, especially in shark-filled waters, poses a significant challenge to effectively capture. Despite renowned features like Open Water and The Shallows, the genre has its moments of tediousness. However, a lack of subtlety in foreshadowing, as demonstrated in the dramatic dialogue “I’m getting married, I’m not dying!” uttered by character Lizzie, cannot be overlooked. The uncertainty of the outcome adds a layer of suspense. The film, Something in the Water, is set to come out in theatres from Friday, the 21st of June.