“Unfrosted Review: Seinfeld’s Unwelcome Pop-Tart Brandopic”

Jerry Seinfeld has had a busy week, expressing his views about the declining status of films in societal and cultural importance. He lays blame on the radical left and political correctness for the seemingly decreasing levels of humour. He reminiscences a time when comic relief on television was an expectation. Regrettably, his directorial debut doesn’t bring the relief either. It joins the ranks of unwanted brand-themed releases which recently profiled the Air Jordan basketball shoes, Blackberry mobiles, Flamin’ Hot corn snacks, and the Tetris video game. Seinfeld, an avid cereal enthusiast in his eponymous sitcom, now focuses haphazardly on the inception of Kellogg’s Pop-Tart.

There are fragments of the real story behind the breakfast food rivalry during the early 60s. In an uninspired casting choice, Hugh Grant portrays the haughty Shakespearean actor who lent his voice to Tony the Tiger. The real actor, Thurl Ravenscroft, did exist but doubtless, he didn’t resemble Phoenix Buchanan from Paddington 2 as much. Amy Schumer’s attempts to portray 74-year-old Marjorie Post, the head of Kellogg’s main contender, were unconvincing due to failed ageing effects.

Apart from brief glimpses of reality, viewers are predominantly plunged into a world of comic exaggeration. Seinfeld, acting as Bob Cabana, a loose representation of William Post, an employee of Kellogg’s, delays a young runaway in a diner, narrating the tale of the creation of the common toaster pastry. This tale unfortunately relies heavily on poor jokes and retrospective wisecracks.

Quips are made about implausible ideas such as a balloon exploding from a steering wheel in the event of a crash or the suggestion of microwave ovens that can heat a TV dinner in 25 minutes. A sentiment not expressed but might be felt by some audiences: “It appears the film industry is being co-opted into lengthy ads for brands that should be paying for their own marketing.”

A spoof of The Godfather exists. Two actors from Mad Men disgrace themselves by imitating that series. A recurring JFK joke inappropriately concludes at the grassy knoll, amongst other things.

Maybe the ideal counter to unhealthy snacks is low-grade cinema.

Unfrosted, starting from Friday, May 3rd, will be available for streaming on Netflix.

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