The announcement of Gareth Southgate’s permanent replacement on Tuesday stirred feelings of concern, particularly for those who were dismayed over the decision not to continue the tradition of singing ‘God Save the King’. However, the Daily Mail’s reaction was relatively restrained when the news broke that Thomas Tuchel, a German, would be taking on England’s manager position. The use of ‘GERMAN’ in upper case suggested that they didn’t exactly welcome the decision.
The much-anticipated response came from Jeff Powell of the same paper, who previously expressed outrage over what he deemed as a disrespect for national tradition and subsequently demanded Lee Carsley’s dismissal before his first ever match in light of “showing favour to his Republican roots”. As always, Powell didn’t fall short of expectation.
Powell’s fiery commentary came to the fore when Sven-Göran Eriksson of Sweden, a country of cross-country skiers living half their lives in darkness, was appointed England’s manager. He viewed this as a betrayal of the very nation that birthed football. Powell had stronger words for Italian Fabio Capello, whom he deemed an even bigger disappointment. He forecasted Thomas Tuchel’s tenure to be even worse, sarcastically questioning whether the ‘sauerkraut’ would be a repeat of the ‘smorgasbord’ and ‘pasta’ situations with past foreign appointments.
At the core of Powell’s argument is the belief that the England’s manager should be English, exuding patriotism always and having England’s interest at heart. He went as far as suggesting that even the team’s kit manager should be English, insinuating that a foreigner may not demonstrate the same level of national allegiance.
Despite the anticipated criticism from the “advocates of wokeness” that touting him as parochial, he questioned the aptitude of an outsider to rally the troops on the soccer battlefield, be it a Swede, an Italian or a German. Could they have inspired their men like King Henry V pleading with his men, ‘March on, friends, towards the breach or let our English dead ones barricade the breach’? (James Corrigan, the Telegraph’s golf reporter, unhelpfully noted that Henry V was in fact Welsh).
However, there was some positivity. On GB News, among advertisements for retirement communities and a Winston Churchill commemorative coin (“restricted to one per household”), Martin Daubney voiced support for Tuchel’s selection, albeit with the joke that “he does resemble that chap from Steptoe and Son”.
The pupils of Stamford Bridge displayed a general eagerness towards the new appointment. However, there was a certain individual adorning a Chelsea training kit, who seemed somewhat disoriented, possibly due to a heavy lunchtime drink, unable to recall the period between January 2021 and September 2022. “I’m unfamiliar with the name from any Premier League clubs,” he claimed.
In contrast, the Redknapps were divided. ‘Arry was irate, citing Tuchel’s foreignness and a perceived lack of significant achievements. Despite these criticisms, Tuchel has an impressive CV, boasting titles in both France and Germany, as well as a Champions League victory with Chelsea. Jamie, on the other hand, was pleased, viewing Tuchel as the “second most significant individual in the country, being bested only by the prime minister”. This has apparently resulted in a revoked invitation to Buckingham Palace’s upcoming garden party.
Reflecting similar sentiments, the Telegraph’s chief football reporter Sam Wallace too argued for an English manager. His article featured a snapshot of Tuchel donning lederhosen and enjoying a beer during Munich’s Oktoberfest festivities. Meanwhile, others like The Sun painted a more optimistic picture, with “Fussball kommt nach Hause” as its front-page slogan, and The Daily Mirror warmly welcomed the “New Kaiser Chief”. Meanwhile, Germany’s Bild was left wide-eyed: “The football motherland finds a German father!”. This news would have certainly called for smelling salts for Jeff.
If England triumphs in the 2026 World Cup, potentially defeating Germany in the final round through penalty shootout, every wrong could possibly be forgotten. As put by Micky Quinn in an interview with GB News, “he might just be the missing puzzle piece”. Nonetheless, should he fail, he will be utterly vilified.