“Six Nations Television Commentary: Italy ignited a spark of optimism, but Ireland leaves us hanging in disappointment”

The morning began brilliantly. This sofa harbours no ill will toward our Celtic comrades, yet the triumph of Italy over Scotland in Rome, their first in the Six Nations since roughly 1763, was quite spectacular. This was particularly due to the manner in which the Italian players rejoiced, akin to Marco Tardelli in the 1982 World Cup final.

Prop forwards, standing six foot nine and weighing 36 stone, openly weeping. And ex-Italian international Ian McKinley jovially dancing around the Virgin Media studio, embracing Matt Williams, Andrew Trimble, and Joe Molloy with enthusiasm. “And you’re meant to be a professional,” Joe chimed in.

It was indeed very special. The perfect way to wrap up the day would have been a victory in Twickenham – a win that would’ve declared the championship one game early.

The potential outcomes were simple. As Nathan Johns of our publication explained before the match, “a draw or a victory for Ireland would make them unreachable. If England find victory without a try bonus point, they progress to 12 points. If Ireland encounter a loss of less than seven and manage to score four tries under these terms, they advance to 17. Considering their higher points difference, they could still be expected to secure the title since England could then only equal them in terms of total points”.

As Marcus Smith’s last-minute drop goal dashed Ireland’s dreams of a Grand Slam repeat, Nathan concluded with “My brain is scrambled”. To be frank, the rest of us felt like we were drowning in the deep end. Nevertheless, it became clear that emerging victorious was paramount.

The advertisements pre-game served as a haunting reminder of those we’ve lost prior to this challenge. Sightings of Johnny Sexton shopping for apples and oranges at his local grocery store were a poignant example. However, life must go on, and eternal mourning serves no purpose.

The RTE panel’s mood before the match? Extremely upbeat. Jamie Heaslip was praised by Jacqui Hurley for setting the tone earlier in the week by asserting that Ireland would need only 13 or 14 players for England to stand a chance. He replied with a modest smile, acknowledging the criticism he’d faced from the English on social media platforms, which pushed his planned podcast back further. However, he firmly held his stance.

“It’s going to be a challenging match for England today”, he stated, expressing his view that a great deal would need to fall into place for England and things would have to go awry for Ireland for England to stay in the match. Stephen Ferris echoed these sentiments. He said, “There’s a universal expectation that this England squad will perform admirably at some point, but I doubt it’s going to be today.” Bernard Jackman expressed a similar view. “Given England’s and Ireland’s performance levels, this should be a relatively straightforward day.” He gave a cautious reminder, however, stating “England are capable of significantly raising their game.”

As a rousing version of Ireland’s Call played before the match started, suggesting dominant Irish presence at Twickenham, the game began. Surprisingly, by halftime, Ireland led 12-8, even though England had significantly improved their game. Alan Lenihan attributed Jack Crowley’s shaky penalty, which took the team’s score to 12, to St Patrick’s influence, and despite maintaining the belief that Ireland will continue to lead, the commentators on RTÉ expressed a tiny concern that more divine guidance may be needed to fend off a revitalised England.

Everything seemed under control when James Lowe scored his second try – “the luck of the Irish is with us,” quipped Alan, as George Ford continued missing kicks. The cameras crudely focused on Owen Farrell in the stands, in a somewhat mocking gesture.

The match narrative took a turn when Sweet Chariots filled the Twickenham air. Hugh Cahill summarised it, stating: “This. Is. A. Remarkable. End. To. A. Truly. Exceptional. Match”.

In the penultimate minute, during an Irish lineout, the commentator boldly declared, “Henderson… daring move… fearless!”. However, if he isn’t cautious, his statements could backfire. Ireland, for its part, felt the sting of cancellation as Marcus Smith sealed the game with a drop goal in the final moments. The match concluded, hearts shattered, sports spelled disappointment.

“England deserves acknowledgment for their achievements,” professed Bernard. Yet spectators vehemently disagreed with him, declaring their refusal to offer such felicitations. Meanwhile, Jamie decided to perpetuate the delay of his podcast project, and Stephen was attempting to find wisdom in profundity. “The reason we adore sports is precisely because of its uncertainties,” he expounded.

He was indisputably incorrect in his statement: this is sports, and its unexpected outcomes is why we despise it more often than not.

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Written by Ireland.la Staff

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