During the past week, my daughter turned nine. At this very moment, she and her pals are causing a ruckus in a warehouse filled to the brim with bouncy structures, much like the chaotic scenes from Jackass. To say that watching over a group of nine-year-old girls and requiring parental waivers is a calm Saturday would certainly be far from truth.
In the whirlwind of recent days, it was purported that if we manage to steer clear of hospital visits and successfully finish the party without major incidents and cake eating in due time, we could catch the afternoon rugby. My daughter was hardly persuaded this was a dire need.
When asked who we’d be playing against and informed it was England, she dismissively responded, “We always outdo England.”
This oblivion to our less than stellar performance against England, arguably points towards poor parenting, more than any injuries sustained during her birthday party would. As parents, our job is to shield our children from life’s harsh realities and the gloomy monotony of the news but when your child blithely claims we always come out on top against England, you realise you’ve provided a bubble-wrapped existence.
From her standpoint, it’s understandable she thinks we constantly prevail over England. The last time we didn’t win was when she was merely five during the peak of the pandemic in November 2020, a period none of us remember particularly well, including rugby results. Even experts like Gerry Thornley would be hard-pressed to recall the results of games from that time.
Indeed, it may only be a few years but it seems as though it was another era altogether. This was when James Lowe got his second cap and Hugo Keenan his fourth. Players like Quinn Roux, CJ Stander and Chris Farrell were all starting, while Billy Burns and Will Connors were substitutes. By the match end, coach Andy Farrell had led seven games and unfortunately, lost three of them. Do any of us remember that time?
Ireland’s 18-7 loss at Twickenham was their fourth consecutive one against England, marking England’s fifth quartet of victories in their history of head-to-head matches spanning over 150 years. England has other clusters of victories, including an octuplet, a septuplet, a pair of sextuplets, and a quintuplet. Ireland has recorded a quintuplet and tetrad on their records, the latest being currently running.
Irrespective of which index you choose to measure, the Irish have been more the sculpted figure than the bird in this ongoing enmity. Should everything unfold as projected in Twickenham, it would be the first quintuplet of victories over England to be remembered by any Irish under 55. We’ve been perpetually subjected by England, made worse by the deafening background chants from overzealous England fans.
Yet, it’s high time for us to rise above this. Strange as our current times may be, with the DUP testing their skill with the hurley and jigs and the newly minted GAA president’s first stop being Windsor Park, it’s accepted that Irish trainers will triumph over the home team at Cheltenham with hardly anyone raising an eyebrow now.
This is notable and nourishing change, the kind we strive for — progressive, forward-thinking, open to rewriting history as we step into the new century. That’s the aspiration.
That said, there are some aspects we hold dear and truths we uphold indisputably. They entail…
It’s always rewarding to defeat England. The margin of victory over England can never be too great. A victory over England can never be presumed. The thrill of triumph over England can never fade, bore, or become familiar. It should always be a notable point in the yearly sports calendar.
There must not be an iota of pity for the England rugby team when Ireland are lined up to take them on. There is no place for mediocrity or apathy. Passion for an Irish victory over England can never wane. The goal is always to overwhelm them, to eclipse them and to be a source of disappointment for their supporters.
It’s no secret to the Irish, and more so to their passionate sporting fans, that taking delight in trouncing the English team is nothing to apologise for. Instead, it is an achievement to be thoroughly enjoyed, since its permanence isn’t guaranteed. As Irish rugby history advises us, arrogance ahead of a trip to Twickenham could be misguided.
After all, sports boils down to numbers. English rugby outnumbers Irish rugby in terms of players, finances, and supporters. Even though, currently, the Irish Rugby system is healthier than the English one, we are aware of life’s unpredictability.
Sooner or later, the inefficiencies plaguing English rugby will be weeded out. The English will retaliate and begin routinely defeating Ireland. We will return to occasionally celebrating sporadic wins. Thus, restoring the status quo.
When we eventually reach this inevitable stage, it would truly be unfortunate if hindsight left us regretting not having taken more joy in our golden era, or reminiscing a period where an Irish victory over England didn’t incite euphoria. It’s crucial that we fully relish these days to provide solace to our future selves who may grapple with defeat.
We extend no mercy, gentlemen.