Doesn’t it seem surreal thinking about life pre-Paris 2024 anymore? Just a couple of weeks ago, I had effortlessly transformed into a maestro in varied disciplines, be it parallel bars or canoe slalom. I recall screening from underneath a blanket on my sofa, watching Olympians perform astonishing tasks of strength and stamina that I could only ever fantasise about. I found myself grumbling about my mother for not having enrolled me in gymnastics lessons when I was a child. Perhaps, I could’ve been sharing a podium with Simone Biles, both of us collecting our shared gold medals for being the Best All-Round Girls. However, to be fair to my mum, I am unsure if there were any gymnastic classes available back then. I do recall a futile attempt at playing majorly in a dusty parish hall using a baton. That being said, I was quite good at Irish tap dancing and still keep my medals from the under-eight championships in a box somewhere.
I take pride in the fact that I share an affiliation with our Irish Olympic heroes since I attended the same primary school as Rhasidat Adeleke. Albeit, we were there two decades apart. Suppose she once occupied the same classroom space as my six-year-old self. That’s something, isn’t it?
Adeleke’s remarkable talent was first discovered by a teacher at St Mark’s Primary School in Springfield, Tallaght. Numerous Olympians embark on their journey to achieve greatness from a young age. Take for instance Simone Biles, who started her gymnastics lessons at the tender age of six. USA’s Olympic gold medallist, Katie Ledecky also dipped her toes in swimming when she was just six. Considering this, I reckon it might be a bit late to start training for the upcoming Los Angeles Games in 2028. Or perhaps, it isn’t?
Recently, there have been ongoing discussions on the web regarding the complexity and possibility of learning and mastering a new sport to participate in the LA games. Various sports such as rowing, equestrian, and shooting sports like air rifle or archery have been proposed. However, I believe the athletes who excelled in these sports in Paris might beg to differ.
Lastly, one can’t help but empathise with teenagers these days.
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If we could choose our daily struggles to compete in as part of the Olympic games, we may stand a decent chance. The ‘Nerve-Wracking Descent from a Moving Dublin Bus’ could attract a large number of contenders. Scores would be deducted for overly tight grips on the handrails and any shopping bags left behind. The bus would specifically be driven by the city’s most heavy-handed drivers for this event.
Securing a table at Marqette, Dublin Airport Terminal One in mid-July would present a challenge even for seasoned competitors. This is a team event, featuring exhausted parents and two restless children, frustrated by the delay in getting to their desired swimming pool. The children’s focus is essential, as they are given the critical task of racing to secure a table for four before a rival seizes the spot with their carry-on suitcase and jacket spread across the seats.
Quickness could be evaluated at the N4 toll bridge, where motorists bizarrely race each other to reach the unmarked territory on the other side once the toll is paid. Hurry and calmness would be the parts to play in the game of “Frustratingly Covering a Double Duvet on a Sticky Night”. “Stealthily Exiting a Child’s Room After Bedtime” is a sport some parents have already been practicing for years. Some have even mastered the ability to exit a cot and silently crawl across the room without disturbing the sleeping child.
[‘She informed the children that this was her humble beginning’: Tallaght AC rejoices Rhasidat Adeleke’s thrust into fameOpens in new window ]”
Supermarkets serve as platforms for us to truly shine. Arranging one’s purchases in Lidl and Aldi is an existing challenge of dexterity and rapidity. Introducing supplementary points for setting down the checkout divider before the subsequent customer needs to request it would make a spectacular event for 2028. I will personally engage in a game I’ve been mastering since my childhood: tossing a tennis ball against a wall without disturbing the busy lizzies or geraniums. I foresee a victory for Ireland!