Several years back, I recall an incident where I saw an acquaintance’s guest waiting outside their house. This guest was still awaiting entry five minutes later, and when asked if she was alright, she revealed her friend would not receive her until the conclusion of Coronation Street. It was a vivid reminder of how individuals cling to their routines, refusing to divert from them.
This fan of Coronation Street was elderly, however, it is erroneous to associate inflexible attitudes and the avoidance of disruptions exclusively with the aged population. Everyone could observe this pattern within their lives and strive to increase their sensitivity towards it.
Post-lockdown, many of us were hesitant to venture out once more, and some continue to harbour such reluctance. This could be what actor Jodie Foster, now in her sixties, was referring to earlier this year when she criticised young actors in their late teens and early twenties for showing up late to the set under the excuse of “not feeling it today”. Presumably, their preference was to lounge about at home, forgoing their responsibilities.
It is startling to observe such fixed attitudes and avoidance of disruptions to comfort zone routines at such a young age, though this behaviour is becoming increasingly prevalent among even younger individuals.
Teachers report a growing resistance among students to attend school on days when they don’t feel particularly inclined. It might be that youngsters have always held such sentiments, but the trend appears to be escalating, with parents seemingly powerless to intervene. These observations extend to Australian children, but parallel behaviours have been reported in the UK as well.
Why is it that we strive for happiness but ignore it when it arrives?
“Based on information from Parentline, it appears that the phenomenon of “school refusal” has become a pervasive issue in Ireland in the wake of the pandemic, with an estimated 60,000 children abstaining from attending school each day. Though sickness and other legitimate factors account for some of the absence, a considerable portion of students have chosen not to attend, irrespective of their parents’ entreaties.
I grasp, in many instances, why these youngsters choose to remain at home. However, it strikes as quite surprising to me the fact that these very young individuals are so rigid in their routines that they refuse to adjust their schedules to incorporate school visits.
Think back to the infamous “great resignation” period, wherein individuals were so opposed to returning to their workplaces that they preferred to quit or sought out positions that allowed them to work remotely. Now, I’m not insinuating that this was entirely due to an inflexible attitude, yet I suspect it had some influence.
In a non-pandemic context, guess how many corporations struggled because the persons at their respective helms stubbornly adhered to a familiar modus operandi instead of adapting to overcome new obstacles or accommodate new markets and practices?
Consider the number of marriages or established relationships that plateau because one partner settles into a routine and shies away from making the necessary adjustments to cater to their partner’s needs?
It’s essential to take note that stubbornness and an unwillingness to experience discomfort for the sake of new experiences can result in a significant loss of potential experiences. Even if these experiences initially pose an element of discomfort, they hold the potential to broaden our horizons.
Since, to the best of our knowledge, we only live once, it may be wise for us all to examine the extent to which we are stubborn and perhaps make a commitment to allowing ourselves to experience discomfort more frequently.
Failing to do so may place us at risk of slipping into an everlasting state of stagnation.
– Padraig O’Morain (@padraigomorain on Instagram and Twitter) is a certified counsellor and psychotherapist with the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. Among his publications is “Kindfulness – a guide to self compassion”. You can avail of his daily mindfulness reminder via email for free at [email protected].”