In my experience, having a partner who remains at home is the ultimate hack to living a fulfilled life. When we relocated to Australia, it was I who assumed the responsibility of earning a living while my partner was in pursuit of work. I departed for work daily, leaving him with the household chores. Our roles just fitted into place naturally, a setup where I generate the income while he makes sure meals are prepared.
My work schedule is demanding and unpredictable. It often leads one to opt for quick meals from station vending machines, as the exhaustion is too immense and the convenience stores are usually shut by the time I head back home. Additionally, imagine the sheer effort of transporting a bag of vegetables back home to cook a meal after a long day? However, I am spoilt with a warm, home-cooked meal every evening. The refrigerator is always stocked. I am saved from relying on meagre ingredients to put a meal together or ordering from Uber Eats frequently enough to swap holiday cards with the same delivery driver. My diet includes fresh carrot and celery sticks along with hummus pots. If I happen to devour an entire pack of chocolates – naively marketed as a ‘family pack’ – it is promptly replaced.
Each day, a lunchbox filled with individual portions of diced strawberries and blueberries, along with homemade chocolate protein yoghurt laced with chai seeds and almond flakes, is packed into my work bag. This is a food enthusiast’s dream. I don’t need to expend mental effort on deciding what to dine on for lunch at work. Nor do I need to step out of the office to queue for a sandwich, only to be disappointed by unwanted mayo despite my explicit requests to exclude it. No more rushing to assemble a lacklustre salad wrap in the mornings and succumbing to the urge for takeaway around the afternoon. The illusion of having the leftover soup for lunch can finally be put to rest.
Having a partner at home who undertakes the often overlooked and thankless task of ensuring our survival undoubtedly confers an edge in life.
I now enjoy ample leisure hours post-office, as all the laundry chores are meticulously taken care of before my return. The unpleasant memories of enduring prickly undergarments, the last clean ones available, inconveniencing my comfort are long gone. When I approach my closet every morning, I feel assured knowing all my shirts are crisply ironed, putting an end to the futile desperation of hanging the least crumpled option whilst bathing, or donning a pullover despite the blistering weather to hide the creased shirt underneath.
It’s akin to winning the lottery having a partner like mine, with our roles distinct: I bring home the bread, whilst he takes care of preparing our meals. Not my impressive grades or my reputed alma mater, but my endeavours led to the profession I now adore. Activities like ice baths and 5am Clubs make me wonder at the intense human desire to experience physical sensations. I cherish my fluency in Hiberno-English, its versatility in expression surpassing standard English.
With someone else shouldering the household concerns, my sole worries now revolve around my job, loved ones, and leisure plans for my off-days. My mental load is significantly lighter as I no longer juggle work emails whilst pondering on the arrival of the window cleaner, the grime on the skirting board, the odd odour from the dishwasher or my nephew’s upcoming birthday gift – I am unchained.
Could this be analogous to the male experience throughout most of the 20th century? If so, it has indeed been delightful. Now I gather why they were reluctant to let us have our own financial independence. Albeit, I wouldn’t encroach upon anyone’s civil liberties merely to evade scrubbing my toilet.
A domestic partner who assumes the burden of unpaid, undervalued survival tasks- cleaning, cooking, banking, gives one an unparalleled advantage. Australian journalist Annabel Crabb in her work ‘The Wife Drought’ argued that having a “wife” is a prerequisite to maintaining a healthy work-life equilibrium.
She questioned, “Why is it that when women have a supportive spouse, they feel as if they’ve struck gold, whereas it’s considered normal when men have the same support?” I can certainly identify with that sentiment, given I have such a supportive partner. I’m sure I would do the same for him if the roles were switched. If he chose to become a stay-at-home partner, I would move heaven and earth to maintain his accustomed lifestyle, which primarily includes a GAA Go subscription and every shade of O’Neill’s shorts. Regrettably, for our laundry pile, he is soon back to the workforce. Nevertheless, I’ve realised the clear benefits that came from having a ‘wife’.