The cheeky charm of the title, “MILF”, gives a clue to the audaciousness of its creator, Paloma Faith, a 42-year-old London-born singing sensation now turned rebellious author. The title’s whimsy echoes the journey of the author herself from Hackney origins to becoming a memorable voice in the literary circuit.
If you’re wondering about the acronym MILF, it might be time to consult Google for some understanding. The acronym stands for Motherhood Identity Love F*ckery, perfectly encapsulating the heart of this book. A bold assembly of genres, this book strides through personal memoir, celebrity confession, parental guidance, relationship advice, self-help wisdom, comedy, tragedy, and a touch of feminist commentary. Facing motherhood 25 years ago, this is a book I wish had existed in my arsenal, to guide me and alleviate the self-doubt and confusion I faced.
The ironic twist is that Faith, like many new mothers, didn’t perceive herself as a MILF during the initial years of motherhood. Her tales, delivered in raw detail tinged with brutal honesty, reveal the less glamorous aspects of motherhood she had to navigate; conception, pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum. This candid narrative is based on the experiences of her own motherhood journey with her two daughters, the belles of the book.
The book also details the trials and tribulations including rounds of IVF, miscarriages, postponed dreams of “natural” birth, emergency C-sections, occurrences of postnatal psychosis and depression, endless infections requiring antibiotics, breastfeeding struggles, cystitis, thrush, mastitis, and even painful piles that necessitated surgery a year later. Adding to this, she had sexual difficulties long after giving birth, and grappled with raising “poor sleeper” babies.
These experiences not only marked the end of her decade-long romantic relationship and sex life but also shattered her prior identity. The changes threw her into a new world, dominated by concerns about being a “good enough mother”, despite the unyielding, indomitable love and anxiety for her children. Her honest delineation of these experiences conveys a sense of confusion and relief once the initial turbulence of bonding with her children had sailed.
After reflecting on Faith’s journey detailed in her book, ‘MILF’, I’ve switched from recommending it as a pre-birth read to suggesting it as a thoughtful post-delivery gift. The book, unabashedly honest and breaking societal norms, offers a mixture of amusement, warm heartedness, and sharp critique on the current feminist status in our region.
The self-assured and autonomous Faith offers a new perspective on motherhood, and how patriarchal society continues to manipulate women into equating equality with inferiority. However, I was puzzled by instances, particularly in the book’s first half, where Faith appears to accuse feminism for the imbalance on domestic labor. Women being overstretched by trying to earn a living whilst managing most of the mundane tasks of parenting. She also tackles the unseen, mind-numbingly monotonous, and stressful perpetual responsibilities related to child maturation, which according to her, are seldom acknowledged by most fathers unless they are significant contributors to childcare.
Initially, I was taken aback by Faith’s seeming inclination to attribute the disbalance in co-parenting duties to feminism rather than to the prevalent patriarchal paradigm; until I comprehended that it was a matter of expression rather than an actual accusation. Further reading confirmed that Faith was actually stressing the need for continuous progress in feminism. Despite this minor query, her bold proclamation of being a feminist was quite commendable.
My only other critique of this book, which is a liberating, entertaining and thought-inspiring read, is that only towards the end of her book did she reveal that Layman Lahcine, Faith’s ex-partner and the father of their children, spends two nights every week with their children.
In the book titled “MILF”, mothers and all women who provide care and nurture are given the much-needed assurance that it’s completely fine to prioritise their own needs. The book also offers indispensable insights for men who wish to safeguard their romantic partnerships. The intriguing subject of women and their experiences with ageing is thoroughly explored. The chapter provocatively titled “Are Men Redundant?” brings up a topic frequently queried by straight women: Could a life of singlehood be more satisfying than long-standing relationships?
Opting to wrap up “MILF” with a personal revelation, Faith suggests that following several consecutive monogamous relationships and a challenging initiation into motherhood, it might be the right moment for her to decide to stay single and embrace a fresh identity and fall in love with her transformed self.