Michael McGrath, an ex-finance minister and father to seven, admits to being taken aback when he first stepped into fatherhood. His eldest son arrived unexpectedly, but was a delightful surprise, as Michael recounts. A gap of five years passed before they had their second child, a delay he playfully attributes to the shock of their first-born’s sudden arrival.
In the early stages of their relationship, Michael and his partner Sarah strove to establish stability as new parents. Sarah split her time between their home and her parents’ residence. Reflecting on his early venture into parenting, McGrath concedes being naive and unprepared. Having become a father at the tender age of 25, he admits he was just starting to learn the ropes.
Experiencing parenthood for the first time was a moment of revelation for him, particularly since he was quite young. One vivid memory he shared was of a trip to Killarney with their infant son. They had an early dinner at a hotel and were back in their room by 8 pm. At that moment, it dawned on him that his life had dramatically changed.
There were no grand designs about having a large family, McGrath points out. Although they are exceptionally blessed and adore every one of their children, he refuses to attribute this to any well-executed master plan.
The journey to a family of seven was not without hurdles and heartbreak, McGrath admits. The reality is always more complex and their path to parenthood included mourning losses, even in the second trimester. Each of their children comes with their own set of abilities and challenges that they attempt to navigate. It has not been a smooth journey and the reality is often different from the way it appears.
Michael and Sarah experienced the unfortunate loss of a baby boy, Daniel, during the second trimester of their pregnancy. Michael recalls the emotional moment of cradling his son. Despite the tragedy, they acknowledge their blessings, often feeling guilt when discussing their loss due to the abundant love and happiness they have experienced.
The early parenting phase, with a large brood of kids, was chaotic, recounts McGrath. As he reflects, he marvels at how they managed it all. It was about surviving, living in the moment, trying to savour it, and doing the best possible. Sarah was consistently trying to balance everything. To McGrath, Sarah is nothing short of a superhero. Not only is she an astonishing mother, but she also maintains a successful professional career too. McGrath marvels at how she juggles everything so effectively.
Their offspring, aged between 22 and eight years, could almost be divided into three separate families. Jack, the eldest, is five years older than his siblings. After him came four more boys, followed by the two youngest children. When their fifth child, a girl named Ruth, was born, it was a moment of elation. The couple had long desired a sister for Ruth, which they eventually had after some time.
Often, McGrath finds himself on the receiving end of comments regarding the size of his family. He receives a mixed bag of humor and correction but insists that they consider themselves extremely fortunate for the family they have. While McGrath understands that not everyone agrees with their choice to have as many children, he also acknowledges that it’s expressed in various ways, at times.
In McGrath’s view, whether a family has two or three children, they will require as much time as parents can offer. Having a large family may mean parents have to spread their attention more thinly, but siblings provide each other with unique support too. The age difference plays a significant role; the children learn a lot from each other, which is important to them. The family always encourages close relationships among the siblings, promoting friendship over everything else.
“I have zero patience for any disagreements or conflicts,” he emphasises. “I’ve seen too many familial relationships between siblings fracture; the resulting bitterness is a sight all too common. My message to them has always been clear: don’t let your bond break, or you’ll have my spirit to contend with. My desire is for them to remain close-knit, this is what I champion within our household. Team McGrath is my motto. I can only hope they’re heeding my words.”
He comments on the astonishment people express at his large family, owing largely to its rarity in the current times. “I am fully aware that for many individuals, the financial implications meant that raising a large family wasn’t, and still isn’t an option. For some, having children at all is a challenge, let alone having more than one or two. Then, there’s the matter of fertility issues and relationships commencing later in life. It’s a trend that’s likely to continue.”
Raising seven kids implies “they can’t always get what they want. There’s a considerable amount of sharing, compromising, and your typical sibling rivalry. My aim has always been to instil in them an understanding of the value of money.
“Waste isn’t tolerated in our household and thoughtfulness in our choices is practised. They’ll need to forge their own way in life. We’ve always believed in providing them the chances to shape their future, the choice to seize these opportunities is theirs alone. Their inheritance won’t be substantial, that’s the stark truth.”
He experienced a significant loss a decade ago, the sudden passing of his brother, Seán. “His unexpected departure left us all reeling. Many nights passed where I would weep myself to sleep. The experience rocked me to my very foundation, the permanence of it.
“When you have your own family, you’re obligated to forge ahead, to get on with the mundane aspects of life. However, it inevitably provides a deeper, more nuanced understanding of life and a greater appreciation for what truly matters.”
McGrath, being a public figure in the era of social media, has had to grapple with the difficult task of protecting his children from the demands of constant exposure, as well as managing unkind remarks aimed at him. “With the profession I’m in, maintaining good health can be a struggle. I come across comments regarding my looks and weight online from time to time. Such remarks can be quite distressing. I’m a human being, I have my struggles just like anyone else”.
He finds relaxation in the company of his children, “It’s standing by them, observing them that provokes relaxation. However, it does require a deliberate effort to create some time for self-care.”
It’s a sincere concern for him when his children come across harsh remarks about him online. “They never elected for a life in politics, it was thrust upon them. Although I can tolerate personal criticism because of my reasonably thick skin, I’m aware of what they see and how it impacts them. Nobody wants their children being subjected to offensive or indecent content about their parents online. It pains thinking that they could at any time feel humiliated, or face unpleasant remarks from their friends. Despite this, I believe they take pride in what I do.”
McGrath’s children display curiosity about their surroundings. “They might ask, ‘what’s happening in Gaza?’ ‘How is the government helping those people?’ ‘Why can’t you do more about homelessness?’ They encourage me with their inquiries and questions.”
Recently, the Fianna Fáil representative for Cork South-Central, who shares a constituency with the Tánaiste and party leader, Micheál Martin, became the nominee for Ireland’s forthcoming European commissioner. This position comes with a substantial pay rise compared to his TD earnings.
He confesses that despite being a Member of Parliament being the “greatest privilege of his life”, he’s ambivalent about his children embarking on a political career. He sees the vital role of politics and public service, but is acutely aware of the sacrifices involved. He highlighted the prevalent toxicity, especially on social media, and the unavoidable threat to personal safety. Whilst not dissuading them, he would impart the reality of political life to them.
He shares that at times, political life can be isolating. After his election in 2007, he found the initial few weeks particularly challenging. Being away from home and his two young children was difficult and it left him feeling lonely. He emphasises the experience is vastly different for MPs who are able to return home each evening. However, for those based in Cork, Galway or Donegal, daily travels home are not feasible.
Fondly recalling the early days of his career, he remembers questioning the fulfilment of his dream in light of the significant sacrifices which accompany being a representative. He mentions missing out on irreplaceable moments, like awards ceremonies at schools, pre-Christmas concerts, multiple birthdays and a host of sports events.
McGrath acknowledged that his children understand the extent of his absence. They’re particularly saddened when he’s away for an extra day, most especially if it encroaches on their weekend – their usual time together – which can sometimes result in fortnightly gaps between their meetings.
McGrath recounts instances when his roles as a father and politician unexpectedly intertwine. As he recalls, during a yearly visit to Santa Claus with his children, the family tradition took a political twist when Santa advised McGrath on water tariffs. Humorously, McGrath shares his mixed reaction, torn between chastisement and amusement.
For McGrath, Christmas bears a special charm, offering him a chance to momentarily disconnect from his political duties. He cherishes a family custom of gathering his children at the top of the stairs and revealing the surprises left by Santa, an event that they document on video. He speaks fondly of the happiness and innocence this annual ritual brings.
Over time, McGrath’s approach to parenting has evolved as he appreciates the importance of being a constant supportive presence in his children’s lives, offering them a safe space to communicate freely.
However, impending changes loom – his eldest son, Jack, is soon to leave home for work in Dublin. With melancholy, McGrath contemplates the challenges of managing family gatherings. Nevertheless, the prospect of not having all his children around brings a hint of sadness.
The essence of parenthood for McGrath rests in shared experiences, free from distractions of electronics, and engaging in light-hearted banter and conversations. Yet, he acknowledges the occasional lows, such as missing out on certain happenings, or witnessing his children in distress, leads him to share in their sorrow. He aspires to guard them against potential harm while recognising that it’s vital they navigate the world independently.