Have you considered yourself amicable?
While I firmly believed myself to be “highly amicable”, my family, rather impertinently, does not wholeheartedly agree.
What is your middle name and how do you feel about it?
My middle name is John, which, in all honesty, is quite unextraordinary. My first name shares this quality and I sometimes wonder what my parents envisioned for my future based on these quite plain names.
Do you have a treasured spot in Ireland?
Given I’m an Irishman, it may seem unexpected if I declare Dublin as my choice. But, considering I’d be stuck choosing between Stepaside’s Fernhill Park, the Reading Room at the National Library, and Byrne’s of Galloping Green, this might be a blessing. On the assumption that Dublin is off the table, my preference would instead go to the Dunfanaghy beach in Donegal, as long as it isn’t raining.
Can you summarise yourself in merely three terms?
I am a work in progress.
When was the last time you felt anger?
A few months prior, a reckless SUV driver hit me while I was cycling. Quite unhappily, I confess I used language that wouldn’t be welcome in Parliament. The driver sincerely apologized and accepted all blame. To their credit, they did offer a ride home, an offer I turned down, having survived enough of their driving for one day.
Is there anything lost that you’d wish to recover?
I have lent many books which were never returned, especially my copy of The War of the Flea which I miss dearly. Those who borrow my books now should know – I am keeping track.
What’s your most vivid memory from childhood?
Though I can’t exactly label it the strongest, there is a tender memory of feeding the ducks at Stephen’s Green, returning home to a comforting meal of bacon and eggs, followed by watching Robin Hood on television. Such was an idyllic day for a four-year-old lad.
Where are you placed in the birth order of your family, and did this have an impact on you?
Being the second of two siblings, my elder brother often accuses me of being pampered. He insists that it has shaped my personality – which might indeed be plausible.
What do you predict will occur upon your demise?
My family and friends are likely to throw a grand celebration, which they’ll hopefully enjoy. I doubt it’ll make any significant difference to me either way. However, I plan to arrange the music playlist beforehand, thus immersing them in my musical preferences one last time.
When did you experience utmost happiness?
To contradict any insinuations of being unsociable within the family (refer initial response), I would say it’s a toss-up between the day I got married and the birth of our daughter. They were both delightfully joyful occasions, leading to numerous gleeful moments subsequently.
Which star would you choose to portray you in a film about your life?
If he were still alive, the splendid Dermot Morgan, due to the similarity in our hair styles.
What is your major regret, be it personal or professional?
There are quite a few, though I’m unsure about disclosing them to the readers. Perhaps I could refer to my mediocre grade in the Leaving Cert history, which continues to irritate me. On the flip side, recounting it in the Leaving Cert and Me series for RTÉ News Social enabled an old school friend to reconnect. Our meeting after nearly 30 years was pleasant, and he hadn’t changed much. A wonderful evening, which I hope we’ll repeat. So, I suppose now it’s time to leave my regrets behind…
Do you have any eccentric behavioural traits?
From my previous response, it’s clear that I have an unreasonable distaste for self-revealing questions, especially when the replies will be published in a national newspaper. Despite this peculiar trait, I am doing my utmost to face and conquer it. I prefer to keep my other idiosyncrasies private.