Within the television programme, Cold Feet, a poignant moment is portrayed when during the baptism of Pete’s offspring [Pete being a key character], a letter penned by Pete’s father is recited from the lectern. The note ruminates on the way parents adore their offspring more so than the children reciprocate that affection.
That sentiment has remained with me throughout my own experience of being a parent. At times, I’ve pondered whether I would have embarked on this journey if I had known the amount of fretting it entailed.
The worrying aspect of parenting is ceaseless. I see it mirrored in my own parents and parents-in-law. As my children mature, I’ve come to the realization that there is no respite from these concerns. They simply evolve, persisting ceaselessly and perhaps this is the case because just like Pete’s father famously said, our deep-seated love for our children induces such profound worry.
In the words of Coleen Nolan,: ‘I’ve not endured failed marriages, rather, I emerged from two remarkable marriages that bequeathed me wonderful children’
What we, as parents, seldom do is open up about our anxieties. This silence inadvertently leaves parents feeling isolated with their difficulties and worries. It’s no panacea but shared experiences offer a comforting solace and the knowledge that others are going through the same can be reassuring.
So, I elicited parents’ concerns regarding their roles and duties. Frequently, the same responses surfaced. These aren’t parental shortcomings, though many parents conceded it feels that way. This is parenthood in 2024.
These are a few of the apprehensions parents are grappling with:
– Finances. It’s an old concern, but a prominent one. Parents admitted to struggling with everyday expenditures, unforeseen bills, housing payments, extra-curricular activities, recurring childcare costs, clothing, academic expenses including school outings. One parent lamented, ” €60 for a school trip,”. Another remarked, “It’s overwhelming, living paycheck to paycheck”. The impending summer, with additional childcare and summer camp costs was a significant source of stress.
– Anxiety related to school and school avoidance. “It has been an agonizing period,” confessed a parent. Other parents expressed their anguish in facing dismissive remarks from other adults, evidencing a considerable lack of awareness about the issue. A palpable sense of sadness and concern echoed through the parents’ messages considering the implications frequent school absences have on every facet of their child’s growth. Parents admitted feeling powerless in dealing with the situation.
Guilt. Many women predominantly carry a sense of guilt. From feelings of guilt about putting their children in daycare every day, to the guilt associated with not being able to afford things for their children, or experiencing challenging familial relationships and instances of frustration with their children.
Mobiles and Screen Usage. Controlling screen time is a massive hurdle, as noted by a parent. Other parents aired worries about the content their children are exposed to online and the decreased amount of real-world socialisation because of the time spent on digital screens. A parent highlighted that, nowadays, technology is heavily employed in assigning homework, which only adds to the difficulty. Moreover, the consistent pressure to provide young children with a mobile phone is always there.
The Sandwich Generation. The burden of bringing up children and adolescents while also providing care for elderly parents is triggering significant stress and worry for some parents. A lot of them are also working around their employment commitments. An example of this is a parent who described themselves as a stereotypical example of the sandwich generation trying to balance employment, kids, and a mother suffering from dementia and other mental health challenges. Another parent narrated the constant anxiety and worry they felt juggling their job, teenagers, and an elderly mother in a care home.
Vaping. Surprisingly, not one parent shared concerns about their children smoking, but plenty had their views on vaping. If you’re a parent of teenagers and not worried about vaping, you probably should be. “It’s pretty common,” one parent admitted. Another, whose 14-year-old had been found vaping once more, was struggling with the added issue that “some friends are permitted to vape”. It’s no surprise that brightly coloured, candy-flavoured vapes would attract children. But beyond vaping (and potentially dangerous substances within), parents have other concerns to deal with. “Many of them have moved on to snus [nicotine pouches], which they hide in their lip during class,” as one teacher revealed.
Assisting young ones with extra requirements can put immense stress on parents who already fight relentlessly to secure the necessary support from schools. As one guardian expressed, the lack of access to services is utterly disheartening. There is a prevailing worry among parents regarding their children’s esteem in an education system that largely ties success to academic grades. Particularly as summer examinations approach, parents of dyslexic children fear that poor results could devastate their offspring’s self-esteem. Parents also voiced their fears about the uncertain future awaiting their children with disabilities and additional needs.
Parents also speak of the exhaustion they experience from fragmented sleep due to crying infants or the sheer fatigue from constantly attending to everyone’s needs, going to and fro, and maintaining a balance between work and caring for kids – including those that disrupt their sleep. The mental load sometimes becomes unmanageable, making some parents feel totally swamped and, as one parent stated, caught in a continuous cycle of dropping off and picking up, which feels like an endless marathon run.
When it comes to adolescent children, parents find it especially draining. Sharing worries about their teenagers’ friendships – or the lack thereof – their disconcerting attitudes and behaviours, and delicate mental health issues, contributes to the emotional strain. Examples include a parent who is raising a wayward teen daughter and another who sees his adolescent son battling to forge friendships.
Many parents are expressing how they slowly feel they’re losing touch with their individual identity. One parent lamented about how parenting duties and work-related tasks have completely consumed their free time and space. Many resonated with this experience, highlighting that putting work, family, and children’s external activities above all had left them with no personal time. Even though they’re sacrificing their own time and desires, some parents feel that they might still not be contributing enough to their families due to the pressures of achieving a work-life balance.