Despite a friend being entangled in a challenging workplace circumstance, I found myself fortunate enough to lend an ear, even though we were physically separated by several thousand miles and caught up in varying time zones. Constant communication was facilitated primarily through online platforms such as Whatsapp and Instagram, and occasionally, through video calls. Messages, mingled with concerns or anticipation, popped up at the most random hours. It varied from requests for luck before stepping into critical meetings, to help in deciphering critical emails and the need for a heart-to-heart talk after a gruelling week.
Despite physical distance, technology played a vital role in cementing an enduring friendship. The rare occasions when we manage to share the same space, we get together to laugh, indulge in pastry delights and engage in enthusiastic conversations about each other’s lives. Quality friendships that allow us to be authentically ourselves and foster a sense of purpose, knowing we can be of help when friends are in need, are incredibly gratifying. Such friendships magnify the best version of ourselves.
However, it’s an unavoidable fact that we are living in an era where loneliness is at an all-time high. A significant 20% of the Irish population confess feeling isolated most or all of the time, surpassing the 13% European Union average. Surprisingly, a UK-based survey by YouGov in 2019 highlighted that one in 10 respondents had no friends. While most of us are aware of the looming loneliness amongst older individuals, it’s the burgeoning loneliness crisis among the younger generation that is a more recent phenomenon. In the UK, those aged between 16 and 29 are more than twice as likely to express frequently feeling isolated, compared to those over 70. The 30 to 49 age group follows closely on the heels of their Gen Z counterparts (the elder ones being around 27).
Nearly four centuries ago, in 1580, philosopher Michel de Montaigne penned a touching tribute to his close friend and fellow writer, Étienne de la Boétie, in his essay ‘Of Friendship’. Written over a decade after de la Boétie’s death, it breathes life into the profound intellectual and emotional tie that bound the two men. Montaigne, who was at de la Boétie’s deathbed, subsequently acquired his library.
On an unrelated note, former footballer Gary Lineker’s ‘bald patch’ joke was a blow to Frank Lampard, but fortunately, treatment options for hair loss do exist.
The mission of Tommy Tiernan is to breathe life back into the teachings of a still-relevant yet not widely known Irish philosopher known for his profound Christian views. The prospect is raised of the possibility of a simulated encounter with a parent who has passed away, a concept that begs contemplation.
A well-renowned philosopher from Ireland, recognized as the originator of ‘cathedral thinking’, profoundly missed his dear friend. His bond with the friend is vividly painted across an essay arguing the value of lasting friendships, providing philosophical depth to the idea. The philosopher affirms that the significant contributions that close friends make to our lives outweigh any other connection’s impacts. He mourns the loss of genuine, reciprocal friendships while recognizing the empowering impact of those who genuinely appreciate us and enlightened by our love.
The COVID-19 pandemic brought into focus a rising trend of loneliness among young people. This, to a certain degree, is unsurprising due to the unique position of millennials. They were the final wave to experience a world without the internet and significant elements of uncontrolled, playful childhood. In today’s world, young individuals have fewer physical interactions, especially with the socially disruptive effect of lockdowns that has severely affected their social growth.
Social media, which is dominated by judgmental tendencies, is not helpful. Users typically present an altered version of themselves because they are aware they are being judged.
In a digitally advancing society where individualism is increasingly prevalent, relational dynamics and how friendships are formed have noticeably altered. Many struggle to bond and make friends, particularly the younger generation. The financial struggles to socialise and meet others in an already expensive living setup exacerbate these challenges. The concept of ‘Third Place’, devised by Sociologist Ray Oldenberg in 1989, describes this issue – identifying the need for affordable public spaces where strangers can form connections.
In an age where we often cross paths with others via digital means, social media typically serves as a platform for self-presentation and appraisal. Understanding this, we usually project a curated version of ourselves, as opposed to our genuine selves. The recognition from followers substitutes genuine connection and visibility. Likewise, their accorded status duplicates empathy or affection, thus simulating friendship without the requirements or advantages that genuine connections involve. On the web, we employ impression management and prestige as a remedy for solitude in reality.
For the younger demographic, who often lack earlier generation’s exposure to profound relationships – those characterised by mutual exchange and living in the present – a sense of detachment is somewhat expected. Friendship has become increasingly challenging and multifaceted for everyone in the current times, as we strive to maintain connections across long distances, and in the face of the fading idea of common social spaces and our universal obsession with the online world. There is a collective need for a friend reminiscent of the type Montaigne penned about.