In the domain of motherhood, individuals giving birth after turning 35 are often labelled as experiencing a “geriatric pregnancy” or having an “advanced maternal age”. This language is employed due to the elevated health risks and necessity for fertility support often observed in mothers hitting their mid-thirties. Still, it’s worth noting that, in various other life aspects, they’d be considered to be in their prime.
Around 60,000 infants are born in Ireland annually, and despite the medical nomenclature, mothers who are at least 33 years old give birth to half of them. Central Statistics Office data indeed demonstrates an increase by one third in the number of children born to mothers aged 40 or more over a decade.
Yvonne Reddin first became a mother at the age of 31 when she had her son, Finn, who is now 22. A decade later, at 42, she welcomed twin babies, Sonny and Connie, who are now 11. Reddin’s experience with motherhood in her earlier and later years differs significantly.
An eleven-year gap bridged her first and second pregnancies. She recalls her two very distinct pregnancies, starting with Finn’s birth in Australia at the Royal Randwick Hospital in Sydney. Her birth was induced, and the experience was labour intensive, but she recovered swiftly, possibly due to her age and because it was a natural delivery. This event, following a miscarriage the previous year, was a joyful period for Reddin. However, as time passed, she began to feel somewhat secluded and lonesome, prompting her to return to Dublin and embark on a new journey as a single mother when Finn was around three and a half years old.
A 53-year-old mother of three, who is also an author, recounts an experience from a decade ago when she discovered that she was expecting twins while in a new relationship. The announcement was overwhelming at first, but as her tummy enlarged, she started to comprehend the reality of having two little lives within her. Unlike her previous pregnancy when she smoked and socialised frequently, she was in the much healthier state of her life at the age of 42.
The pregnancy was delightful and she claims it was the best time she’s ever felt, physically. She didn’t experience sickness episodes throughout the pregnancy but complained about experiencing severe heartburn – a common symptom for those expecting twins. She managed to alleviate this discomfort by consuming several glasses of orange juice and bicarbonate of soda. Despite her eagerness to pursue a natural birth process for a speedy recovery, an unexpected caesarean section became necessary due to insufficient dilation.
She admits the recovery period was demanding as it took her about four months to stand upright. Raising two newborns while healing from the operation was a daunting task. To make matter worse, she was left alone to tackle this responsibility when her relationship deteriorated during this period.
She revealed that being categorised as a “geriatric pregnancy” didn’t sit well with her, criticizing the medical term. According to her, a significant number of women are becoming mothers later in life now, and she believes the term needs to be abandoned. She cited her friend’s experiences, who at 48, gave birth to her second child. As per her experiences, the pregnancies were not significantly different as she was healthy during both.
However, being an older parent had its unique set of challenges. Her parents, who were her support system, were aging, and she felt somewhat isolated as most of her friends’ children were not of the same age as hers. She confesses that she sought connections with other older mothers for her sanity.
“So, my suggestion would be to establish a network of support with fellow mums, we acquire knowledge through mutual listening. Try your best to maintain proper health and do some physical activity, which aids in tending overactive toddlers. Carve out some personal space for your mental peace, and participate in online groups if physical meetings aren’t possible. Your children will retain your youthfulness, but if motherhood is chosen post-40, it necessitates greater self-care to relish the whole experience.”
Four years junior to Yvonne when she birthed her third child, Callum (currently 15), Evelyn Pepperell, voiced her experience of being an older mom as she had Eimear (currently 23) at 30 and Daniel (currently 16) seven years later. She observes certain implications of late parenthood.
“Eimear, Daniel, and Callum, all three were born smoothly via C- section, with epidural, when I was in sound health. At 31, having Eimear, I felt age was on my side. However, at my medical visits for Daniel and Callum,when I was 37 and 38 respectively, I was labelled as ‘advanced age’ mother. Initially, it appeared somewhat derogatory but later I found it amusing.”
“But there were certain obstacles due to nearing 40, as my energy level was higher at 31 and I recuperated swiftly after my first child. Yet, having children late in life benefitted me as my husband Michael and I had better financial and emotional stability. I was more confident in making significant decisions and to address daily concerns, credit to the maturity that comes with age”, she shared.
Now 54, Evelyn juggles part-time social media engagement job while managing her family in Limerick. She sees numerous perks of being an older mother. “It encouraged my mental resilience and understanding and bolstered my identity, professional and life experiences- virtues I wish to impart to my children. One also acquires a lower threshold for nonsense with ageing which eases up calling a spade a spade.”
In general, parenthood has been a profound revelation about myself, Michael, and our kids on top of being an exceptional journey. As our children progress and transform, just when you feel you’ve got a grip on things, they switch gears once more, therefore, maintaining an open dialogue with them is crucial. My parents had kids while they were pretty young, which was in vogue at the time. At the age of 24, my mother was looking after three children all under three. Honestly, I’m not positive I could handle the demands of young children at such an early age.
This woman from Limerick successfully weathered the ups and downs of her children’s upbringing and would encourage anyone fretting about late motherhood to simply relax, trust their instincts, and embrace the journey as it unfolds.
“If you’re healthy, active, and resolute, I’d say trust your own intuition and give it a shot,” she recommends. Mothers know their children better than anyone else as they share their DNA. It’s okay to accept counsel from others, but ultimately, you should trust your inner voice. And certainly, cultivate your support network and make sure they feel acknowledged, to be able to request assistance when you need it, since bringing up a child demands the support of a whole community.”
“Before childbirth, appoint a knowledgeable postnatal advisor. The most valuable counsel I received was about having practical birth plan expectations (since nature has its own course), ensuring fathers are included in decision-making, and having them guard our rest. I garnered invaluable assistance from breastfeeding specialists in the UK, where my daughter was born, which boosted my confidence to continue and provide essential nourishment to my boys in the first couple of months.”
She added, “In general, I am gratified that I was able to establish a career, travel, and savour the autonomy of living on my own during my younger years. And truth be told, I have no regrets.”