The World Conker Championships saw its victor, fondly referred to as King Conker, or David Jakins in the real world, exonerated of any malpractice following an investigation into his suspiciously robust conker. This 82-year-old retired engineer, who achieved the coveted title in Southwick, Northamptonshire on 13th October for the first time, despite participating since 1977, had had allegations cast his way following suspicions by the second-place competitor about the unusually firm breakage of his conker during the finale.
Upon inspection of Jakins’ pockets, a metallic counterpart of a conker was discovered, sparking an inquiry. This revelation caused quite a stir among the media. Nonetheless, the organising committee found no correlation between this steel nut and the one used in the championship’s proceedings, thereby relieving him of all accusations.
[i]I’m immensely relieved[/i], Jakins confessed to the Daily Star, saying that the ordeal had been a nerve-racking experience. Continuing, he affirmed that the spirit of honour and integrity runs deep in the World Conker Championships and that no competitors resort to unfair tactics. His victory resulted from continuous practice and perseverance spanning over several decades. He acknowledged having the steel conker, avowing he used it merely as a plaything, promising not to bring it henceforth.
Detailed examination of the steel conker revealed it to be a masterful artifice, painted to mimic a genuine chestnut flawlessly. The spokesperson for the World Conker Championships, which hosted 256 competitors and allured 2000 spectators, clarified that thorough scrutiny of match footage, interrogations of judges, and assessment of the chestnuts engaged in the competition have all concluded in King Conker’s favour. There was no tangible evidence suggesting the steel conker’s usage in the competition, thereby officially discharging him of all suspicions and affirming his name to be etched on the trophy.