The auditorium of our school is overflowing this afternoon. There seems to be around a thousand pupils and parents packed in to listen to the announcement of the next Head Girl for Mount Anville’s 2024-2025 academic year. I haven’t spotted Honor look so smug since the incident when she swapped her mum’s hair conditioner with hair removal cream.
I say to her, “You appear quite confident.”
She responds, “My granddad reassures me that I’ve got it all under control.”
Indeed, my father is busy socialising, greeting everyone in attendance. Observing their reactions after meeting him, you’d think they’d just been pick-pocketed.
‘What is the latest, Ross? I noticed a campaign poster of Honor on Foster Avenue.’ Blackmail, perhaps?
‘What if she emerges victorious, Ross? I’ve even heard some mothers refer to her as their Trump candidate.’
Attempting to prepare Honor for disappointment, Sorcha says, “If you happen to lose, Honor – ”
Honor interrupts, asserting, “I won’t lose.”
Yet Sorcha continues, “In case of loss, I hope you realise the importance of honesty and decency in politics, despite our chaotic world.”
Honor takes a jab at Sorcha’s advice, “Your words resemble Hillary Clinton’s,” and then leaves to prepare with my father.
It’s hard to ignore the blinding delight on the faces of Honor and Liesel. It feels like driving towards a car with high-beam lights on, forcing me to look away.
Sorcha grasps my hand and reassures me, “She won’t emerge victorious. My informal poll analysis, based on conversations with other mothers, indicates Liesel Stapleton is set to win by a large margin. Evidently, the dubious methods your dad used to push Sincerity Matthews out of the competition were not well received by most parents.”
Ms. Fosbury-Joyce, who will be overseeing the final year pupils next year, takes the mic and invites the Head Girl candidates on stage. Both Honor and Liesel step up, beaming joyfully. Once again, their smiles force me to avert my gaze.
“Miss Fosbury-Joyce announces, “The votes have been tallied,” signalling the outcome of the election for our 2024-2025 Head Girl. “794 votes for Liesel Stapleton,” her declaration is met with startled exclamations in the concert hall. “Honor O’Carroll-Kelly gets 58 votes. I hereby pronounce Liesel Stapleton the victor!”
The applause is akin to rapid machine-gun fire, but it feels more like a collective sigh of relief that our child will not be the school’s representative. I can see Sorcha’s smirk of satisfaction.
Liesel’s reaction mirrors Alexandra Burke’s X Factor victory. Overwhelmed with joy, she falls to her knees, hands covering her face, “Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!” Her friends rush onto the stage to congratulate her.
Sorcha notes, “This could be a turning point for Honor.”
However, observing Honor standing on the stage, she doesn’t seem particularly distressed?
Suddenly, Liesel gets hold of the microphone, bursting out, “Massive thanks, I can’t believe this! This is, genuinely, a dream come true? Later, Madeleine Sophie Barat said– ”
“Is my voice too faint for your ears, Miss Fosbury-Joyce? Would you find a room with superior acoustics more suitable? Maybe at Inns Quay?” – Chorles
It is then that I hear the familiar voice of the old man – like a distant thunder – roaring, “Not … so … fast!”
Turning around, I see the man standing tall, ardently filling the hall with unease. I haven’t seen the tutors this jittery since the old man appealed in the High Court against Honor’s Junior Cert mocks.
With his thumbs tucked in his armpits, he walks to the front of the hall, evoking images of Hennessy in court. Then he inquires, “Have the results from the postal vote been incorporated?”
The crowd bewilderedly wonders, “Postal vote? What the hell is he talking about?”
“He points out, “Are you aware that, according to the competition guidelines established by Arthur Cox in 1937, previous students of the institution are authorized to vote?”
I notice the confused glances among teachers and parents. Miss Fosbury-Joyce’s face is aflame. She retorts, “We generally don’t include mail-in votes. They aren’t frequently obtained.”
The elder gentlemen counters, “They aren’t received often?”
“No.”
“And this year?”
“Pardon?”
“Is my voice not resonating clearly, Miss Fosbury-Joyce? Shall we transition this discussion to a room with enhanced sound quality? Perhaps somewhere on Inns Quay?”
The flustered lady nearly collapses on the spot. She stammers, “W … w … we did, indeed. We obtained s …s … s… several mail-in votes, yes.”
Whispers spread throughout the assembled crowd.
He inquires, “How many?”
She hesitates, “Significantly more than usual, I’d conclude.”
“Significantly more?” he presses. “Sufficient to influence the competition’s outcome?”
Parents chime in, denouncing the old man’s behaviour for dragging law into the matter, while Sorcha criticises, “He’s mired all of us in this scandal.”
She evades, “I can’t ascertain,” glancing over at Sr Belina, the Head of Electoral Oversight, for support.
In response, Sr Belina stands and admits, “I was wholly oblivious to the fact that mail-in votes from alumni factor into the process of Head Girl elections.”
“Be enlightened now!” the old man bellows. “Courtesy of someone who’s studied the rules and can recite them word for word! I propose you count those votes! Else, I’d be forced to request an injunction as I did to change the outcome of the egg-and-spoon race at the sports day in 2019.”
I overlooked that incident.”
Miss Fosbury-Joyce and Sister Belina exit the room concurrently, ensuing in complete chaos in the corridor. Numerous parents convey their outrage to the elderly gentleman, stating his utter disgrace for involving legal authorities in the matter. Meanwhile, Sorcha remarks, “He has dragged the rest of us into the muck along with him.”
During this entire episode, Honor maintains her position on stage, with a smirk on her face that exasperates the audience. It does not take long before a provident round of applause initiates, accompanied by cries of “Fraud! Fraud! Fraud! Fraud!”
Ultimately, both Miss Fosbury-Joyce and Sister Belina reenter the room. Miss Fosbury-Joyce ascends the stage, seizes the microphone and announces, “The outcome of the reevaluated votes for our 2024-2025 Head Girl. Liesel Stapleton – 794 votes. Honor O’Carroll-Kelly,” she halts briefly for approximately five seconds, then continues, “6,155 votes.”
There is an audible shock from the audience. Liesel’s father immediately stands up, exclaiming, “That’s unjust! Liesel triumphed in the popular vote!”
Cunningly, Honor addresses Liesel, stating, “See you next year – defeated party!”
In reaction, Sorcha queries in disbelief, “Dear Lord, Ross. What monster has your father unleashed?”