In a surprising turn during the usual dramatic entrance seen at conferences, Simon Harris, the leader of Fine Gael, took tradition in stride and made his way to the stage amidst ecstatic delegates. While he navigated his way through the profusely excited assembly, a recognisable music intro filled the hall.
The soundtrack in question? An ongoing echo of Dum. Dum Dum. The introductory chords to Bachman-Turner Overdrive’s anthem “You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet” were on repeat. This could perhaps be a clever nod to Harris’ somewhat cheesy statement made amidst the fervour following his recent ascent to leadership.
Could it be that Harris, still viewed as the youthful leader, aligns with the cult classic rock tune of the 70s? Alternatively, it’s just as likely that he doesn’t. We never heard the initial lyrics: “I met a devil woman. She took my heart away…”
Such lyrics may have been interpreted by some in the hall as an allusion to Jennifer Carroll MacNeill. The rising star amongst the Blueshirt attendees is now characterised as a formidable political figure not to be underestimated.
“I don’t envy anyone in Sinn Féin having to oppose Jennifer”, exclaimed Helen McEntee, delivering her statement against a background with her name and the title “Minister”. This would certainly hearten the current justice portfolio holder in these uncertain times.
Interestingly, when Carroll MacNeill and counterpart Minister of State Hildegarde Naughton took to the stage, they too received the lone title.
The excitement at the Fine Gael’s ardfheis was palpable this year with the anticipation of the announcement of a new cabinet by the newly appointed Taoiseach Harris on Tuesday. Speculation on who will get promotions and who might be dismissed always makes the event more enjoyable between workshop involvement and bar visits.
“You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet” – is it a declaration or a warning? One thing is certain; we are yet to witness what lies ahead.
Simon Harris’s moment of reckoning has arrived – it’s time to end grandiose rhetoric and take lead. As the Youngest Ever Taoiseach of Ireland or the Yeti, he stands to fulfil his high aspirations and perhaps become the Greatest Of All Time (or the Goat), depending on his fulfilment of his pledges. His journey began on a Saturday night in Galway at a potentially more capacious hall, but due to the sudden resignation of Leo Varadkar and Harris’s unexpected promotion, the ardfheis was organised in advance.
Given the tight space of the Bailey Allen Hall, it was clear during Harris’s first keynote address as leader that his arrival was met with enthusiasm. Although the standing room was packed and at least one attendee fainted from overcrowding, the event was a cause for celebration. This included ex-TD Kate O’Connell, who made a restrained comeback to the party by enthusiastically embracing Harris, her successor to Leo Varadkar, while subtly indicating that Varadkar’s exit signified the closing of a “bleak period” for her.
Playfully, she reminded reporters that the gathering was all about Simon, not her. The snapshots from the event were indeed charming. Varadkar, the soon-to-be ex-Taoiseach, came in the afternoon and received a warm reception from the delegation. Despite his tendency to feel uncomfortable in large gatherings and the potentially awkwardness of the situation, Varadkar handled it well. He was a gracious presence, there to back his successor without trying to overshadow him.
Varadkar bravely made this appearance despite a lingering elbow injury. Indeed, politicians at his level need resilient elbows, which, as recent events have demonstrated, he lacks. EU Commissioner Mairéad McGuinness attended privately due to rules around commissioners combining with party political events. She was in high spirits, passing MC responsibilities to McEntee before stepping onto the stage to introduce the awaiting Taoiseach. Her opening act was an honour, though Mairéad held back on her usual humour and jibes, possibly because they’d already been addressed in Carroll MacNeill’s humorous speech.
There were murmurs amongst onlookers that her manner of speaking echoed more of Dublin city dialect than that of South County, at various moments during her performance. Even the occasional “Jaysus” could be heard.
Hildegarde Naughton could potentially be holding her breath for high expectations as well, if JCMN’s prominent stature indicated future preferences. She, too, was in the line-up for the warm-ups and played a significant role in the proceedings.
In contrast, Peter Burke, Westmeath TD and another potential Cabinet member, adopted a more reserved stance. Jennifer, on the other hand, couldn’t commend him enough during a daytime session about Ireland in a shifting global setting.
“Peter Burke serves as Ireland’s representative continuously throughout the day and week,” she stated, noting his commitment to be on a plane for Ireland at the most absurd hours. “Peter Burke works tirelessly for Ireland, day and night.”
Equally determined, Hildegarde used her radio platform to communicate to the Irish population that “Across the campus, the energy is almost tangible.”
Naturally, the overarching theme of this political conference, from its leader downwards, was “A New Energy”.
As McEntee melodiously asserted, “Not even Storm Kathleen could dampen our spirits.”
The press pre-emptively received word about two extraordinary guests attending the political get-together. Former Taoiseach, Enda Kenny, and former EU commissioner Phil Hogan, who held a grudge against Varadkar and his deputy leader Simon Coveney for endorsing Ursula von der Leyen’s decision to dismiss him from the Commission owing to his brief participation in the Golfgate affair. Both Varadkar and Simon watched from the front row, their reigning days behind them.
Big Phil, currently raking in the big bucks in the consultancy industry, observed from a distance. He appeared satisfied with the whispers linking him to Simon’s quick and decisive rise to prominence.
Unlike others making a comeback, he maintained a low profile, yet caused considerable excitement when seen among the diplomats heading for their allotted seats prior to the leader’s address. The camera periodically shifted to a distinct part of the audience, focusing on one eyewitness who was all too eager to point him out to a friend. “There he is. Look at him. That’s Phil Hogan. Undeniably him – I can clearly see his big head there,” exclaimed the onlooker.
In less than ten minutes, Varadkar had finished delivering his speech. To the delegates he stated, “Your constant support has been my beacon during my darkest hours,” demonstrating a hint of his inner Irish pop sensibilities.
Next, Galway’s Mayor, Eddie Hoare, extended a warm welcome to all attending. Having put in considerable effort into crafting a memorable statement, he cheerfully greeted everyone with, “Undoubtedly, the spirit of the west is alive and kicking!”
Alan Dillon of Mayo, a young TD tipped as a potential candidate for the Harris Honours Lift, didn’t offer much variety either. “A storm is on the horizon, I feel its impending arrival,” he announced boldly.
The stage was then handed over to the former Mayo footballer to present Enda, described as “a man committed to invigorating the party.” A fresh burst of enthusiasm was definitely noteworthy in the atmosphere. Moreover, there was an added element assisting it—Wind.
A massive applause followed and Enda, their beloved leader, appeared via video link from New Zealand. In a potent declaration he stated, “This isn’t about Simon Harris, but about you, the people.”
Enthusiastic echoes of endorsement came from Kate O’Connell and others, although some of them might have been imagined. Inda bellowed, “Stand tall,” amid uproarious agreement from the crowd. “We’ve done this before, it’s time we replicate our success,” he declared, and then he was no more. This left the party’s machinery in a state of upheaval.
Lastly, it was Simon Harris’ turn to come into the spotlight. Newly appointed as Fine Gael’s leader and Ireland’s prospective taoiseach, his arrival was eagerly awaited. His outfit was immaculate— a finely tailored suit and pristine white shirt accessorised with Statesman cufflinks and maybe a slight hint of cosmetics to emphasise his features?
Meanwhile, his younger fans were left in a bit of a mix-up as the popular children’s movie Hotel Transylvania 3 was held back for thirty minutes for the broadcast from Galway to be aired live.
Harris’ speech encompassed all the necessary points. Although, he’d only taken the position recently, observers were forgiving of any shortcomings connected with his presentation. After overcoming some initial nerves, he quickly found his rhythm, delivering a talk that perfectly resonated with his devout followers.
He promised reforms that harkened back to the days of ardfheiseanna—everything from advocating for tax concessions and backing for small scale enterprises to augmenting health and disability services.
The commitment to construct 250,000 novel residences within half a decade has been pledged, presenting quite a challenge. Harris’s speech was likely well received by the audience at home – assuming he manages to fulfil his promises. He acknowledged the value of the farming community and assured everyone of his party’s dedication to upholding the law and order.
Simon, who seemes to enjoy the act of raising both hands in a leadership symbol from the podium, was warmly received following the conclusion of his speech. Hildegarde was the first to express her congratulations, swiftly making her way to Simon’s side, reminiscent of one of the former steeds belonging to Nina Carberry, a previous National Hunt victor who is currently pursuing a role within Europe.
Hildegarde was joined by MEP Sean Kelly, who has expertly mastered the art of navigating the stage and offering friendly embraces. Subsequently, a smiling Leo appeared, though he remained mostly in the background amongst the steadily increasing number of politicians on stage. The atmosphere was reminiscent of the former glory days – a sentiment one might hesitate to voice in front of the almost-former Taoiseach Varadkar, who leaned towards a more unassuming style of leading. Varadkar exited the building to applause from the crowd.
The afterparty took place at the nearby Galmont Hotel. It was a moment of enjoyment, albeit brief, for a party facing pressure from polling results but now possessing a newly inspired energy and direction. Simon Harris is scheduled to deliver his third and final major speech on Tuesday in the Dáil, marking his debut as the taoiseach. However, the toughest challenges still lie ahead. Meanwhile, don’t forget about our friend Mr. Waffle, patiently waiting on the corner…