Gemma Hayes recalls her 2006 encounter with the head of Sony Records, a woman keen to collaborate with the up-and-coming musician who had by then dropped two albums, one of which was her Mercury Prize-nominated early work, “Night on my Side”. The Sony executive was clear about her ambitions for Hayes, pressing on the importance of the music industry and longevity in a career but clarifying their focus on developing superstars. She posed the query to Gemma, “Are you aiming to be a significant star?” The response from Gemma was both brief and resolute, “No”, leading to both of them deciding to part ways.
Years later, situated in the tranquil ambience of Rolf’s Country House and restaurant in Baltimore, west Cork, Hayes is seen quietly enjoying an Americano. The foliage outside rustles against the window panes due to the day’s wind. Dressed modestly in black with her hair styled in a simple hair tie, accessorising with delicate gold necklaces, she is a figure of quiet distinction. Post that defining epoch in her career, Hayes, originally from Tipperary, has brought out three more albums before taking a considerable hiatus following the birth of her first child, Max, in 2015.
Now, as Gemma re-integrates herself into the arts scene after a significant absentee period, she is once more in the spotlight. A fresh album waits in the wings, her first in a decade, and a live performance at Vicar Street is slated for the coming weekend. Her music remains relevant today, frequently mentioned by famous Irish band, Pillow Queens, as a key influence. Her harmonies find comfortable spots alongside tracks from the likes of Olivia Rodrigo, the international hitmaker. However, Gemma openly acknowledges the challenges faced when attempting a comeback. Her narrative speaks volumes – being star material does not mean one should be, or that one would desire it. “You need a thorough liking for it,” she asserts, “along with the emotional resilience to manage its perils. As a woman, it can be more difficult. You’re essentially surrendering yourself to the public eye.”
Growing up in Ballyporeen, Co Tipperary, music had an intoxicating appeal for Hayes. Her father, a police officer, was a member of a band named ‘The Hillbillies’ and played the keyboards; her inherent knack for music was evident early on. Her musical ambitions were clear, she had a well-defined vision of who she wanted to be in the world of music. However, performing live posed a considerable challenge. Plagued with self-doubt, she’s always had to motivate and reassure herself that she had the ability to pull it off. Being naturally reticent, she found the idea of self-assurance elusive. During her teenage years, she experienced severe panic attacks that required professional assistance.
Counselling proved to be instrumental in helping Hayes find coping strategies. What she found particularly effective was an uncomplicated visualisation technique she learned years ago. The advice was to envisage herself growing bigger, towering at seven feet, while her anxiety remained the same size. Attempting this before confronting a challenging situation doesn’t eliminate her anxiety but makes her feel better equipped to handle it. Rather than deny her anxiety, she’s learned to manage its intensity like adjusting a volume: dialling it down to a level three. She also believes in understanding its origins. She’s always been a naturally anxious child, shy by temperament.
When asked if her anxiety is familiar, she responded affirmatively, revealing that her mother also suffered from it. However, she made an insightful observation saying that had she been innately confident and carefree, she may not have been driven towards music. Hayes accepts that one’s strengths and weaknesses are a part of one’s birthright. She advocates turning perceived negatives into creative outputs. She is engaged in her internal battle, determined not to let her anxieties overpower her. And what better way to do so than to command the spotlight on stage?
For a while, Hayes certainly had her moment in the spotlight. She was pursued by record companies, graced the covers of magazines, and even earned the adulation of pop magnate Louis Walsh, who was captivated by her raw ability. Yet one couldn’t help but notice that such limelight seemed more of a burden than a joy to Hayes. Once she decided to step away from the mainstream and pursue an independent career, however, she encountered both numerous challenges such as funding her own record releases, scheduling tours, managing her social media presence, and dealing with the exhaustive demands of being on the road. Her personal life was also experiencing major changes: she tied the knot with Stuart Musgrave, who hails from Cork’s Musgrave retail empire, in 2014, the same year their son Max was born.
Shortly following the launch of her 2014 album, Bones + Longing, Hayes decided to take a hiatus from her music career.”The decision wasn’t made on a whim, rather, I was simply wearied,” she explains. She attempted to balance her career and motherhood by introducing her infant son Max to the industry, but quickly discovered it was an unrealistic task. “Travelling to gigs with an infant strapped to you sounds simpler than it is in reality. The exhaustion was unbearable at points,” she confesses, recalling her tours in Germany during which her husband Stuart would look after Max. “Despite his support, I was torn between motherhood and career, up all night nursing Max and performing at gigs the next evening with barely any sleep. It just wasn’t sustainable.”
Leaving Max behind during her tours was an unthinkable solution. “I yearned to be with my son and felt a deep connection with every little detail of his life, right down to knowing what each of his cries meant,” she reveals. The thought of uprooting Max and causing him undue disruption wasn’t appealing to her. “After devoting two decades to the music industry, it felt like the right time to take a step back and redirect my attention to my son,” she emphasizes. She attributes her ability to put her career on hold due to her unique circumstances. “Not every woman has this luxury and I felt fortunate to be able to do so,” she adds.
Hayes had accepted the possibility of never returning to Ireland from London, until the advent of Covid led to a change in circumstances. Initially, moving appeared to be the right decision. In the early years, Hayes thoroughly enjoyed her life and everything seemed perfect. However, over time she experienced an indescribable feeling of becoming lost within herself, like an unnoticed presence.
The arrival of Myah, her child, was a happy event but redirected her focus away from her music. Now, with two children, the toddler and a newborn, balancing their needs with her own proved quite challenging. Becoming overly sacrificial with their well-being at the forefront led her to feel somewhat unhappy, as she lost her individual identity to the demands of motherhood.
An attempt to write some music proved that creativity made her happier and more patient. This form of expressing herself provided her with a sense of mental peace and led her to resolve to create more, purely for the sake of her mental health.
Until the year 2020, she lived with her family in London, specifically on Albert Bridge Road, near Battersea Park where they used to socialise, participate in sports, and go for walks. Her child, Max, was studying in Chelsea, and despite loving the beautiful community, she was always drawn back towards home. However, to not disrupt her children’s education, she was willing to stay put where they were content. She had even considered the likelihood of never returning to Ireland, yet the outbreak of the pandemic created unexpected changes.
The pandemic resulted in their permanent return to Ireland. “We were in Baltimore at that time. I vividly recall having their school uniforms ready for London. Myah was about to commence her education and Max was set to become a first grader, or whatever term they use there. But we were confined and unable to travel. Hence, I enrolled them in a local school here. I was pleasantly surprised and thought, ‘This is truly wonderful’. This school appears to be considerably more comprehensive in their methodology. The principal here is highly understanding, recognizing the unique persona of each pupil.”
Hayes herself also found the village to be healing. Be it plucking blackberries in the thorny lanes or long rambles past the Baltimore Beacon, she found herself enamoured with the place, its changing seasons, its bustling, cheerful energy during the tourist-heavy summers. But when autumn arrived, with an underlying warmth in the day, the scene would slowly change as the boats began to leave the harbour, paving the way for a tranquil winter.
Back in London, Hayes had periods where she could have been productive and created new work, but she didn’t. “Even with the time, I was simply exhausted”, she recounts. “There were instances when the children would be asleep, and while I could have been strumming away at my guitar, I would instead find myself mindlessly consuming half a jar of Nutella, lost in my thoughts or engrossed in social media. I would then berate myself for wasting time that could have been put to productive use, all the while looking at pointless celebrity before-and-after photos, mind-numbing stuff really. Also, self-belief is tricky. I somehow felt that my energy was entirely consumed by my children. It felt like I was caught on shaky grounds.”
Things were distinct in Baltimore. Hayes’ turning point was when she received a call from the artist Lisa Hannigan, who also resides in west Cork, inviting her to perform at a charity event for the RNLI towards the end of the pandemic. “I hadn’t performed in years. She approached me asking, ‘Would you perform for a charity event if I organize one?’ I declined. I felt like I just couldn’t. The thought of it was just too daunting.”
Tessa Perry and Liz Clarke, Baltimore-based singer-songwriters and friends, encouraged Hayes to tap into her creativity. Despite living in a small town, they convinced her to perform at the Glebe Gardens and Cafe, managed by the Perry family. With her guitar in tow, Hayes climbed the hill to the cafe where she played a few numbers. According to Hayes, the encounter was devoid of an audience, filled only with camaraderie and encouragement.
Relieved and feeling good after the day, Hayes expressed that performing didn’t arouse the anticipated fear she had imagined. She thanked Lisa for her valuable company on stage during charitable events. In Lisa’s company, Hayes found unwavering kindness and remarkable stage presence, inspiring her the most. Similarly, Tessa and Liz added a refreshing touch to their performances, which helped Hayes significantly.
Their bond extends beyond the stage, spilling into daily life. When asked to suggest a couple of spots in the village, Hayes named ‘The Algiers pub’ as a frequent hangout spot where they relish margaritas while discussing diverse topics. Another place that Hayes loves – ‘Rolf’s’ is her go-to place for an extraordinary breakfast and a good read. ‘Bushe’s’ is known for robust sandwiches, using Field’s bread allegedly the finest in the world. Recreational visits to Sherkin and Heir island for wood-fired pizzas also made the list, along with St Matthew’s church that hosts gigs managed by Hayes’s spouse of nearly a decade.
Hayes summed up her experience stating how music enables people to communicate and forge connections in mystical ways, something she always reverts to.
Reflecting on her upcoming marriage anniversary, she finds it hard to believe that it’ll mark ten years in August. The idea of celebrating brings her joy. Despite initially being raised under the societal impression of independence, she’s come to enjoy the comfort that accompanies reliance. Her husband, Stu, has proven to be not just her spouse, but her most trusted ally; someone she can call on for help without hesitation. She takes delight in knowing that he is her source of support.
For the recent years, the duo has made their residence in the heart of Baltimore, living in their cherished vacation property owned by Hayes’s mother-in-law. This lovely home has the additional charm of an accompanying rose garden and an overlooking view of the harbour. While they plan on purchasing a house in the same neighbourhood when possible, Hayes’s immediate focus is her forthcoming album.
This new album, set for release very soon, has been a joint effort by Hayes, Karl Odlum, and Dave Odlum. In her words, the sound of the album is quite appealing, characterized by a combination of soft acoustic pieces and more dramatic tracks. As a significant enthusiast of extravagant production styles, Hayes appreciates heavy melodies, synthesizers, and keyboards. She cherishes the transformation of a melancholic song into a lively, effervescent piece through these elements. Part of the album was recorded domestically, including contributions from Lisa Hannigan, who kindly provided backing vocals while caring for her baby.
Paul Noonan from Bell X1 is notably included in the album and this isn’t surprising considering he, along with Hayes and Hannigan, have been performing concerts collectively for a while now. Their talent is gradually being recognised as they are fast becoming a hidden treasure of the country where each singer is as accomplished as the next. “Initially, it was just a single performance which was lovely,” Hayes explains, “and then we decided to increase the number of performances. Despite not having an official name, we’re referred to as ‘Trio’ on our WhatsApp group and even on posters now.” Hearing this, I mention that they’re also known as Trio on Wikipedia. She responds with laughter saying, “Trio? It’s rather uninspiring, isn’t it?”
Despite taking a hands-on approach to her music, it reflects Hayes’s easy-going attitude that she isn’t bothered about the group’s name. The recent music video for her captivating single, Feed the Flames, was a last-minute production, resulting in her hastily choosing an outfit on the day of shooting. “Without wanting to wear an oversized winter coat and lose any definition, I hastily threw on some clothes. A mate commented that I looked like a farmer gearing up for church. The outfit constituted of a buttoned check shirt, a tweed jacket and a pair of wellington boots.” According to her, this was a completely unplanned vibe.
Hayes doesn’t seem too flustered about her upcoming live performances in support of her upcoming album. Over the years, she’s invested a significant amount of time reflecting on her motivation behind what she does, particularly considering the fact that playing live often leaves her anxiety-ridden. However, she’s arrived at some notable insights.”I feel like I’m challenging myself,” she explains. “There’s a thrill in pushing through that fear. Music offers a unique way to communicate and connect with people, and that’s always at the heart of why I continue.”
Gemma Hayes’ album ‘Blind Faith’ is set to launch later this year while her single ‘Hardwired’ is now available. Her next concert is scheduled for May 18th at Vicar Street, Dublin.