In our progressively divided world teetering on the edge of strife, most tend to find themselves unsure of their role and consequent actions. The allure of neutrality when faced with the choice of choosing sides is great, however, this nonchalant stance is often misinterpreted as passiveness or obliviousness. It may not contribute significantly to resolving the conflicts, yet it is humorous how it does end up making a stance for itself after all. So, how can one avoid falling into the dichotomy of being a partisan or a mere observer?
An intriguing solution comes from William Ury, a reputable anthropologist, skilled mediator and a stalwart contributor to the Harvard Programme on Negotiation. He proposes the intriguing theory of embracing a viable side that could aid in conflict resolution. It’s not so much a side as a collective perspective, a communal standpoint that realises the impact of even the distant thunders of conflict right at our doorsteps, be it in form of domestic disagreements or dire destruction caused by wars.
It’s essential to recognise that societies are complex lattices of individuals, community groups and institutions, interconnected inextricably for better or for worse. Regardless of our direct or indirect participation, every conflict sends ripples that rock our collective boat. Thus, in such situations, it’s worth deliberating over Ury’s ‘Third Side’ concept. Rather than taking sides, it urges the pursuit of justice and equitable solutions for all parties involved in the conflict as well as those subjected to its effect.
Ury has multiple inspiring anecdotes to illustrate community-based solutions, including a tale of a man named Paddy. Once, Paddy, a man with three sons who made a living through his stud of 17 horses, passed away unexpectedly. The public reading of his last testament revealed a peculiar division of his possession, which sparked a whole new story.
Paddy bequeathed half his herd to his eldest boy, Tommy, a third to his next son Gerard, and a mere ninth to the youngest, Séamus. His will insisted on the horses’ good health and survival, otherwise, the boys will lose their inheritance.
The dilemma of splitting 17 horses as Paddy wanted troubled Tommy, Gerard, and Séamus. The quest to retain their own inheritance without infringing on their siblings’ portion was daunting. The contention among the brothers escalated and polarised the local community, choosing sides in the evolving feud, while the horses basked in the peace of their leisure.
An astute local woman stepped up to resolve the escalating issue to everyone’s satisfaction. The brothers, upon listening to the terms of the will and their claims, were in agreement. In an unexpected move, she proposed adding her lone horse to their father’s horde.
Dubbing her mad for opting to let go of her single horse, they consented, bringing the total to 18 horses. Under her instructions, Tommy took his half of the 18 horses, Gerard took a third, and finally, Séamus took a ninth. This left one horse remaining.
To their satisfaction, each brother had gotten his rightful portion, and surprisingly, the wise woman was able to reclaim her horse. The tale tells the same moral regardless of William Ury’s retelling with camels standing in for horses – introducing a sense of community can help resolve stubborn conflicts.
Through this viewpoint, beneficial and fair resolutions can be identified when, rather than backing one party or another, we utilise our creativity, our courage, our passion, and our commitment to discover a resolution that favours not just those directly affected, but the broader community as well.
Assuming a role as an idle observer ultimately means choosing a side, which typically doesn’t contribute to conflict resolution.
Our society is composed of individuals, communities and institutions, and the impacts of our actions, whether positive or negative, are irrefutable. If we neglect to explore solutions that will help all, we also let ourselves down. This implies that it is always to our advantage to identify and support a “side” that prioritises the wellbeing of everyone over a side that participates in a win-lose situation.
Every faith advocates – a concept that is increasingly supported by scientific evidence – that acting from a standpoint of unity epitomises the greatest source of strength.
As documented in the Bahá’í Scriptures: “The illumination provided by the light of unity is so potent, it can light up the entire planet”. This echoes the sentiment of the Irish proverb: “Ní neart go cur le chéile” (Strength lies in unity).
In essence, the most influential “side” is achieved when everyone collaborates in the pursuit of restoring or fostering unity.
Patricia Rainsford, a writer and representative for the Bahá’í community in Ireland, shared these insights.