In her professional observations, clinical psychologist Dr Gurpreet Kaur suggests subtle discriminatory snubs, known as microaggressions, insidiously work their way into dialogues, leaving a lasting emotional impact on friendships or relationships. These indirect forms of prejudice – encompassing racism, sexism, ageism or ableism – are not isolated or ill-thought instances to be brushed aside. Rather, they could be subtle remarks, cloaked insults or commentary disguised as humour, which reflect underlying prejudices ingrained in daily interactions right down to the micro-level.
Many may remain unaware of their participation in committing such offences and may, therefore, be unable to acknowledge their inherent biases. This means that these harmful microaggressions can infiltrate any social or interpersonal relationship.
Dr Kaur has highlighted the importance of recognising these veiled forms of bias and insensitivity, citing their potential to undermine trust and connectivity. Seemingly harmless comments, gestures and attitudes, resulting from ingrained stereotypes or unfounded assumptions, can marginalise individuals, invalidating their experiences and emotions. Dr Kaur warns against such assumptions which can hinder the formation of meaningful connections, confining the individuals to the constraints of preconceived notions. The aftershocks of these cumulative perceptions can be profoundly damaging over time, causing emotional insecurity.
The realisation is echoed by mental health and disability activist, Blezzing Dada, who argues that microaggressions violate the foundations of trust and love in relationships. Ableist and racial microaggressions, she suggests, contribute to creating an alienating environment, dangerous emotionally and physically. She expects white or able-bodied acquaintances to not devalue or commodify her experiences as a disabled black woman.
Dada believes that the philia and consideration demonstrated by individuals reflect their level of regard and comprehension. If these elements are absent, there is a limit to how much one can tolerate before the relationship ends.
Struggling with and confronting microaggressions necessitates an initial recognition that harm is indeed being done. As Dr Kaur points out, this acknowledgement can call into question what a person perceives as acceptable or not. This can be a considerable effort for many disadvantaged groups she notes, as dealing with microaggressions requires a gentle equilibrium of assertiveness and self-maintenance, particularly if the response lacks acceptance or compassion.
To successfully navigate the minefield of microaggression, one should discern the right moment to discuss the issue and know when it might be more helpful to step back temporarily. It is essential for individuals to safeguard their psychological and emotional wellbeing when managing microaggressions, acknowledge the relational dynamics at work, and underline their personal boundaries appropriately.
Dr Kaur’s guidance is to face the behaviour in a composed, respectful manner, establish constraints and make others aware of their hurtful, damaging words or actions. She claims that this can be done non-aggressively and informatively, allowing the other party to listen without prejudice and potentially reevaluate their conduct. Whereas an aggressive approach is more likely to provoke a defensive response. Communicating one’s emotions while instilling knowledge about the ramifications of microaggressions, may inspire comprehension and compassion in the other party.
Dr Kaur emphasises that eradicating microaggressions starts with recognising one’s own thoughts and feelings, having empathy, and promoting courteous dialogue. “It’s about setting aside defensive attitudes, biased views and stereotypes”, she advises. Personal growth, she adds, is a commitment to examining unconscious biases and how they manifest in our demeanor and thought processes.
In her pursuit to counteract and prevent microaggressions, Dr Kaur proposes the following:
– Enlighten yourself on diverse cultures, identities, and narratives.
– Interact with a sense of wonder and acceptability.
– Pay attention to your language and those around you and the potential influence it may have on individuals.
– Familiarise yourself with the origins of these perspectives to comprehend why you or others harbour them.
– Engage in attentive, uninterrupted and judgement-free listening during discussions.
– Confirm their testimonies and feelings, showing empathy and awareness in your reactions.
Encountering a microaggression aimed at another person calls for a stand against prejudice. If you unintentionally create a microaggression, accept your mistake and aim to learn from it. Dr Kaur argues that taking active measures to impede microaggressions on a personal level aids in building a respectful and inclusive environment where everyone’s identities and experiences are acknowledged. She underscores that tackling microaggressions involves not only rectifying prejudiced and insensitive incidents but also pushing for systemic change and fostering inclusivity. “Empowering individuals to confront microaggressions with bravery and empathy can help build more just and respectful societies,” she articulates.
Accountability, according to Dada, is an essential factor in reconciliation. Being accountable should be a steady commitment towards improving, not for oneself, but for friends. The ways we stand by and support our friends and marginalized communities greatly influences the development and maintenance of those relationships.
“You need to challenge your own biases and prejudices in order to support your black and disabled friends effectively. It’s crucial that you make efforts to counter your own biases and their daily implications”, says Dada. “Instead of focusing on yourself, concentrate on enhancing your relationships by how you present yourself.”
The power of microaffections, as expressed by Dr Kaur, is immense. Minor yet significant acts of kindness and acknowledgment serve as the foundation for emotional bonding. “Microaffections cultivate an environment where individuals feel appreciated and understood by their companions”, she adds.
“Constantly experiencing kindness and consideration can nurture a sense of security and dependability within interactions and establish a robust basis for the relationship. It can lead to increased emotional fulfillment within relationships when people encounter validation in their experiences. This, in turn, prompts a deep feeling of satisfaction and joy when individuals feel valued and cherished consistently. Such emotional fulfillment reinforces dedication and engagement in the relationship, stimulating sustained stability and advancement.”
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