Dr. Bella DePaulo, a seventy-year-old psychologist and author, has chosen to remain single for the entirety of her life, a lifestyle she self-describes as being “single at heart”. She maintains that being single enables her to lead an existence abundant with joy, authenticity, and meaning. “Being single is the best way to live for individuals like me who identify as single at heart,” DePaulo states.
Despite being recognised by The Atlantic as America’s principal thinker and writer on single living experiences, DePaulo strives to shift cultural perceptions about singleness, advocating for its acceptance as a valid, rewarding lifestyle choice. “People are largely unaware that one can aspire to, cherish, and wish to maintain a single lifestyle. This lack of awareness is due to the ingrained assumption that everyone desires partnership, a notion perpetuated by fairy tales, movies, TV shows, and music lyrics,” she observes.
Struggling to comprehend that voluntarily remaining single could be a desirable state is a challenge for a majority of people, she remarks. When considering her personal draw to this lifestyle, Dr. DePaulo reflects, “I relish being in command of my own life. The liberty to dictate every facet of my daily routines, including waking hours, meals, music choices, home temperature, and even the position of the toilet seat, is incredibly appealing.”
In her latest book, Single at Heart, she discusses her encounters with both women and men who embrace and excel in their solo lives. Through her groundwork, she aspires to demonstrate how an empowering, wholesome, joyous life is attainable because of, rather than despite, singleness.
During this episode, DePaulo expounds on remaining single’s pleasures, the prevalent false notions associated with it, and why she would prefer a lifetime with ‘the ones’ over ‘the one’.