As I surveyed my shoe collection, I conjured up excuses about inappropriate footwear. One pair of stylish trainers, purchased for my vacation the previous year but never used, seemed to protest this excuse. I’d spent precisely £10 on them, and it felt like a waste to not utilise them.
Next, I found myself doubting my clothing choices as well. Roaming through my closet searching for evidence, I was confronted by Lycra and shockingly bright pink apparel – the type of attire that screams for attention when all you want to do is disappear. I reflected on what could have possessed me to make such purchases the last time I had this impulse. My conscience suggested borrowing a less ostentatious outfit from one of my male friends, unwilling to let me off the hook so easily.
I chalk it up to a combination of recently watching Forrest Gump and experiencing an unseasonably warm day in early May, but I succumbed to the urge to run. An unsophisticated observer might trivialise this decision, but you must understand, running isn’t part of my usual repertoire. However, at the time of this account, I can attest to having run at least once and even contemplating a second outing (only to be deterred by rain). Today, I wish to impart some wisdom on becoming an insufferably self-satisfied runner.
Increase your chances of success by watching Forrest Gump – an excellent film to begin with, and also featuring several running scenes. The added perk of this is that you get to draw parallels between yourself and Forrest, especially when faced with inevitable running-related remarks from others. Your humour and uncanny likeness to Forrest will surely impress them, and they will find it all novel and entertaining. And that, as Forrest would say, is all there is to it.
Should you have offspring, consider taking along one of the more understanding ones on your initial ventures. Accept that you’re not in prime physical condition, but turn it into a joke about being gentle with the children, particularly when you’re overtaken by an octogenarian out on a laid-back walk. Bonus point, they can be given the responsibility of carrying the hydration vessels.
It’s vital to download a running app. This plays a crucial role in establishing your new identity as a runner. Keep it on your home screen for everyone to see and realise that running is now a part of your routine. The app will guide you when to run and when to rest. It will also throw in bizarre suggestions like “warm-up” and “cool down”, which you might dismiss as nonsense initially. However, the pain in your legs the next day will make clear the sanity behind such advice.
Make a public announcement of your running plans on social media platforms. This acts as a useful tool for two reasons. Firstly, it obligates you to follow through since you’ve already made it public. Some people might question if this is a hint at you being abducted, and might flood your inbox with concern-filled messages about your safety. But, in reality, they’re just unaware of your newfound passion for running. Secondly, it also opens the door for commendations like “I admire your commitment to running with a full makeup on. Well done Jen. You never fail to give your best”, which can add to the sense of satisfaction post-run.
Consider your body as a sacred shrine, which should be respected and nourished appropriately. As an ardent runner, your nourishment needs to be tailored accordingly. Ideally, feed your body with foods that are accepted and celebrated on social media. Adopt particular food philosophies and partake in highbrow food choices or choose strawberries and organic yoghurt if you’re selective about your diet. Share about your righteous eating habits on Instagram, emphasising the organic components. Convey the reason for these choices to your followers as a consequence of your commitment to running. Occasionally indulge in a half-eaten loaf of bread and a Mint Crisp in secret, to maintain a balance in life.
Indulge in the act of running.
For beginners, an eight-week schedule is proposed that aims at enabling you to run non-stop for 30 minutes.
For those who have the capacity to fit in a 30 minute run multiple times in their weekly routine, we suggest the “Stay on Track” plan which is also an eight-week course.
For individuals looking to push their limits and approach the 10km mark, the advanced eight-week course is recommended.