Up until recently, disorders such as autism and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) were perceived as deficits requiring treatment or management. Fortunately, there has been a shift in thinking to view these as brain differences categorised by neurodivergence, bringing with them as much abilities as hurdles.
A significant part of the complications faced by children with autism and/or ADHD arise from misunderstanding their unique communicative needs and learning styles, backed by an educational system that primarily caters to neurotypical children.
Society is yet to fully grasp and accommodate the distinct behaviours and teaching techniques suitable for neurodivergent individuals. This is in spite of a marked increase in formal diagnosis rates for autistic and ADHD children in recent years. On the brighter side, this surge in numbers signifies a heightened recognition of the needs of neurodivergent children, especially girls whose requirements had been previously overlooked. Furthermore, a considerable count of undiagnosed children and adults potentially fitting the autism or ADHD criteria go unnoticed in our society. Some reckonings hint that 15 to 20 percent of all children are neurodivergent, with a bulk of them missing a formal diagnosis.
There is a series of articles underscoring the significance of parents respecting their children’s individual differences, needs, and strengths – vital elements to their culminating identity and wellbeing. Such an affirmative, strength-based parenting approach benefits all children, especially the neurodivergent ones.
Neurodiversity acceptance
Children who are autistic and those having ADHD are part of a family of noticeable neurodevelopmental differences emerging as they age. This group includes conditions like dyspraxia, sensory processing disorder, tic disorders, dyslexia, dyscalculia, synesthesia, epilepsy, and intellectual disabilities, along with myriad others. There is high concurrence among these conditions, with various neurodivergent children fulfilling the criteria for more than a single condition. To illustrate, it is estimated that 50 to 70 percent of autistic children also meet the ADHD criteria.
Let’s delve into a deeper understanding of these commonly misconstrued diagnoses.
Understanding autism
Autism denotes a lifelong developmental difference influencing a person’s communication and relation to others, along with their perception of their surroundings.
Distinct differences, such as the following, might be noted when your child is autistic:”
Children’s interaction and conduct with their peers, language acquisition and use pace or pattern discrepancies, adherence to ‘unwritten social norms’ in peer communications, robust or zealous fascination in specific topics (like television programmes, music, or literature), fondness for certain routines and repetitive tasks (such as arranging toys or eating in a fixed manner), are all behaviours that children display. Engaging in self-stimulating behaviours like rocking, flapping, twirling hair, rubbing hands, picking skin, and pacing to unwind or regulate their emotional state is also common.
They can have hypersensitivity (e.g., distress due to intense lights or loud sounds) and hyposensitivity (e.g., persistent fidgeting or mobility to maintain focus), when it comes to sensory inputs. Occasionally, children learn to conceal their inherent communication patterns to align with societal norms, particularly girls. This may lead to undue pressure if done excessively.
However, it must be emphasised that these distinct behaviours come with strengths such as direct dialogue, routine perseverance, steadfast friendship, individual thought process, and resistance to the common herd mindset.
Autism assessment’s lengthy waiting time is a prevalent concern, as expressed by a parent of a four-year-old potential patient.
For Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) comprehension, it’s a misconception that ADHD involves a complete absence of attention. In fact, ADHD afflicted children possess the ability to pay attention and concentrate intensively on tasks that intrigue them.
ADHD is more about the challenges in controlling and directing attention, such as maintaining interest in tasks or issues they deem ‘unattractive’, initiating and transitioning focus between various tasks, and effectively planning and organising tasks. Beneficial attributes associated with ADHD encompass creative thinking or idea generation abilities, fondness for specialised subjects, and demonstrating emotional warmth and lively communication.
They can be restless with their minds and bodies always in an active state, tend to overexert and burn out, and often act impulsively in words and actions. They can also have emotional oversensitivity and rejection anxiety.
Neurodiverse families are pools of unique abilities, strengths, and challenges.
Children with neurodivergence often hail from families where parents, siblings and extended family members too exhibit such patterns. As you navigate the process of understanding the needs of your neurodivergent child and seek help for their assessment, it could be beneficial to pause and also assess your needs along with those of the rest of your family.
Being a neurodivergent parent can facilitate insight into your children’s behaviours. A father that I previously advised used to feel exasperated with his ADHD son due to his actions that revived his own past school struggles. However, when he acknowledged the possibility of him being ADHD as well, his empathy heightened as he sought support for himself. Sharing a common label fostered better bonding with his son, their struggles and their shared love for cycling and trekking.
However, it may prove to be taxing at times to be a neurodivergent parent, particularly if your neurodivergence differs from that of your child. For instance, if you are an autistic father needing a clean and organised home to feel calm, you may be stressed by the chaos created by your ADHD, dyspraxic son. Or as a talkative ADHD mother, you may have a hard time understanding your autistic daughter who feels overwhelmed at the prospect of conversing after a long school day. Or your sensory preferences may vary; you may prefer soothing music to unwind during the evening, while your child may need to dance to loud music to help themselves relax.
Understanding your child’s needs also requires acknowledging your own needs and those of your other family members. It is essential to recognise that everyone’s needs and preferences can vary and this diversity needs to be accommodated within the family.
The journey of parenting a neurodivergent child can sometimes seem lengthy and arduous. Young kids’ development and behavioural issues can cause concern. When children continue onto schooling, these difficulties may accentuate, leading to many parents feeling scrutinised and lonely. Seeking expert assessment is often a hurdle due to long waiting lists, with locating suitable support for your child’s needs proving difficult and confusing. This typically leaves numerous families waiting for protracted periods, deprived of a supportive understanding network.
It’s crucial to acknowledge that an official diagnosis may hold the key to comprehending the needs of your child, as well as securing educational support in school settings. However, you can readily seek help by educating yourself and forging connections with others. Begin by reaching out to organisations such as asiam.ie or adhdireland.ie. They can connect you to people on similar paths and guide you towards the next steps.
A formal diagnosis is not required to access support. For instance, a substantial portion of parents who participate in the ADHD Ireland’s Parents Plus ADHD programme lack a confirmed diagnosis, but still recognise the benefits of participating and interacting with other parents.
It’s often recommended to delay the formal diagnosis process until your child is prepared to undertake it. For example, you might suspect your young teenage daughter to be autistic, but she might not be ready to explore this possibility until she is older. Nonetheless, you can still educate yourself about autism and utilise this knowledge to respond to her needs in a more empathetic and supportive manner.
Becoming an affirming parent
When parenting a neurodivergent child, regardless if they have a professional diagnosis or not, it’s beneficial to shift away from disheartening disorder-focused perceptions that harm a child’s mental health and self-perception. Instead, embrace their unique characteristics and strengths, whilst recognising their specific challenges and requirements.
Across a series of six articles, we’re going to discuss how you can effectively handle the challenges that come your way while being a supportive parent. You’ll become your child’s advocate during their academic journey and beyond into the wider world.
In the forthcoming article, we will delve into how to construct a comprehensive understanding of your child’s distinctive needs and strengths. This will allow you to better comprehend them, and more effectively offer support and aid.
John Sharry, the medical director of the Parents Plus Charity and an adjunct professor at the UCD School of Psychology, welcomes you to visit solutiontalk.ie.